Sigil: City of Doors

Hey, I think my issue right now is my feelings are getting in the way of the logical side of my mind. I can tell you right now (partly sane) I don't hate anyone.

It me telling myself to stay away from NWN2, and me giving myself a reason too.

It was not the best handle it, I know, but sometimes, It takes some strong feelings to conjure up mentally about things to break this cage I have built around myself.

It was selfish of me, I know, there is no good excuse for it.

NWN2 was my family, the only one I had for a year and a half I have had.

But see, I have been so addicted to it, and emotional attached for so long as my social environment of choice in my times of struggle.

It was a dangerous thing for some one like myself at my time of starting, It became a part of me.

I'll admit, I have lived my life in a game, what kind of life is that? It's not a healthy one. RP is as dangerous as it can be fun.

Rebecca, Cere, Anthea, all characters that stuck in nwn2 for me. what patterns do you see they have in common? ( I Placed answer at the bottom)

I built this cage around a haven and hell I have lived this far, it is now torn down. It's time I started to live my life as a human being.

That scare hours ago, was more than enough to push me in the right direction, a incentive long needed, and it is scary even now to depart NWN2 even after i'll admit.

It is a duality of sorts, I am in denial and acceptance at the same time.

But leaving for now outweighs the rest. Thus making this harder on you all, as I don't want to leave, but I need to for my health for the better.

I do thank the nwn2 community for saving my life tho many times over. You may not know it, but you have, all of you. I guess I was afraid to leave my only family at the time.

Yeah, I have suffered for to long, and dragged you all through the dirt in turn, I was selfish.

It's time that I take full responsibility for all my actions in this year and a half.

Do not encourage me to stay right now, it will only make it worse for us all, and myself.

I might, change my mind when I am ready, but I need to be sure I am this time before ever coming back.


----
Cere - lived a life of pain and misery, turned to Dustmen to remove the emotions. Trained herself through suffering to accept her own death even after death, making her fearless. The only thing she could feel was pain, and she adapted to it naturally overtime by self affliction. Overall Solace was found in he own pain

Rebecca - Indecisive, Confused, Unsure, overall in constant internal turmoil, she embraced it as she knew she would never change, mad at the multiverse, she would seek it's destruction at the cost of her own... perhaps then she would have been at piece when laid to rest? She had said it herself many times.

Anthea - lives a life who she is not naturally, unsure of herself, and overall insecure, the luxuries she buys is to buy her own comfort. This makes her fragile.
----


Overall...
Thanks again for putting up with may tail after so long, now placing my thoughts down like this, I can leave comfortably now saying the truth of it all here. I stop NWN2 on a high note, even after all that hell we all went through, could be due to my hopes for a better life now that the cycle is broken? Whatever the reason is, you all saved me in the end, for that, you have my thanks.

Perhaps, one day, I to can return the favor, properly next time? :)

It's definitely unhealthy to get too invested by a game. Games are by their nature supposed to be fun, not a chore. If they stop being fun, then the good aspect of their hop on and off keeps it simple to just stop hopping on. Real life always goes first.

All the best for where you end up going then.

*hugs*

EDIT

And on that note, I sign off as well. I may be back another day, but the first general post in days was one that spat in the face of someone who was in pain. I hate to say it, but . . . *watches bridge burn*

END EDIT

Sorry to see you go as well, phantomhermit.

For anyone wondering, I deleted a few posts inbetween, to which phantomhermit was reacting to. I should've reacted to it faster.

Feel better and get well soon my dude. Life is only a one time thing, don't squander it.

I deleted my newer thread as it was kind of the same as this one.. totally forgot about this one.

Overall small update I have PTSD, and have for some years now.

I am getting the appropriate treatment finally, and taking at least two months off.

Thanks for those who have supported me over the year and a half through all the hell.

and I am not sure to what phantomhermit reacted too above, but I hope whatever may be you come back later when well too.

If it was directed to me, I can understand why, so it's all good. No bridge was burned between you and me.

Don't worry.

It it was to another, well, don't worry either way.

@Dafty, you rock and always will. I was reacting to someone else whose post got deleted- and, as usual, my rage quits don't last forever. Take your time getting better :) Playing a game of soccer with a freshly removed leg cast just means another cast is in short order.

:) Be well