wrote:
Dearest Ladies, Gentlemen, and Lim Lims of Sigil,
A mighty wind is sweeping across our fair city, and this time it does not originate from Khazeet's fetid bowels or MinervaÂ’s unkempt (and hairy) armpits. This movement of change is no mere breeze but a gale of force greater than a 1000 winds simultaneously broken. It rages through the bowels of every man, woman, child, and tanarÂ’ri in the Cage. Our sphincters can be clenched no longer, and we seek release. The man to deliver us from this excruciation can only be: Phoenix.
Because Phoenix understands that the average Cager is not interested in mundane matters like food, shelter, and clothing. No. The need that every individual has across our city… nay the multiverse, is even more basic than these: the overwhelming, unyielding urge to kill various high-ranking members of the Triad and set fires to random city blocks. Yes, deep down inside we all want to stick it to the man, even if we are the man (or woman).
It is TRULY a wonder that the Triad is still in power. Probably because no one in history has ever raised their sword against them (despite everyone wanting to). All this will change now. Surely, a few murders and fires set will make the Triad realize the error of their ways. They will apologize to the people for their oppression, and relinquish power immediately. … and we all know who will fill the void. We are ready for your reign! Shower your warm, yellow wisdom upon us, oh great Phoenix! Lead us how we were meant to be lead.
From this point forward, I urge you all to do exactly what Phoenix says. He speaks for every single free citizen out there because despite this cityÂ’s diversity and large population, there cannot possibly be another viewpoint into this matter that TRULY reflects what the people of the Cage are thinking.
Phoenix is us. We are Phoenix.
~The THUNDERBIRD!~
