The Great SIGIS Argument

Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


The Harmonium officer Ygthil Emberblood felt ridiculous, and let out more than one sigh of exasperation as he regarded the current state of Sigil's infamous rag. In more than one way, it felt beneath him to spend any time on it, but it seemed likely to him that the recent articles in the paper may become pertinent evidence of crimes in the near future. Thus, he set to archiving the ludicrous words in front of his eyes.
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


To the False Feather

Submitted By: Tavia

For someone trying to call for the 'importance' of traditional values, not only have you insulted much of the cage for expressing a different sexuality from your own, but you also constantly litter the ground of all the wards with your empty and incredibly uninformed rhetoric. Unfortunately for you, most of the citizens of Sigil don't seem to agree with your views and have carried on as usual. I suggest finding a new hobby.

--Tavia
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


Asking the good questions instead of closing our eyes!

Submitted By: The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor at the MMM (Midget Mincers' Mail)

Dear cagers,

The MMM would like to officially express gratitude to those who support our quest for truth and justice. We too believe that the cage deserves to know! Many of you told us (in private, fearing retaliation from midgets or their taller lackeys!) how glad they were to see someone finally saying out loud what everyone silently thinks. Some want to muzzle free thinkers and the press and we won't let them! Wear our MMM feather badge to support us!

In this issue, we address two important questions.

First, it recently came to my attention that many of the Halfling midgets are, in fact, fake midgets. Numerous reports came. They indicate that many of them are in fact demons or alleged dragons. Why would such mighty creatures disguise as weak, feeble, childish halflings? Is that so they are entrusted by their preys? Is that so their conspiracy goes unnoticed? Recently, it all became clearer as a "shapeshifter" decided to join their conspiracy. Why would a shapeshifter impersonate midgets' grotesque appearance but for nefarious purposes? This person publically claims they do it, quote "in solidarity with the inferior lesbian race." Do halflings now recruit dragons, demons and shapeshifters to fight us? Are they reaching the next stage of their conspiracy and no longer hide it? Is all the halfling pest disguised demons? We must remain vigilant for the toddler-like vermin may prepare another war, from the inside. On this matter, I find it surprising that none of them took part in the war or post-war charity. One of them wrongly claims they took part in it while in fact, they only shouted encouragements. It is likely that this halfling was in fact a spy amid our war heroes. How many fell because of the key intelligence they offered to the enemy? The MMM will investigate.

More reports from the bazaar, when combined, suggest the halfling vermin is now openly forming a conspiracy group. It is all the more worrying that they do it publicly. They no longer fear us, cagers, because we've been too weak. Some reports suggest this group of halfling females is now running a cult dedicated to obscene lesbian behaviors. These reports offered detailed accounts on discussions about, quote "sex dungeons", "sex swings", "how to convert long legs to obscenism", or what beam and hinges technology is required to suspend a sex slave from the ceiling. Lastly, another independent report told us they witnessed what seems to be the "Official Declaration of Halfling Ownership Over The Only Sheltered Bench Of The Metal Cup." A gloomy cycle! Acid rains for us, canopies for the midgets? This surely smells bad.

Next issue: "How Can They Be So Many While Being Lesbian Females Only?" and "10 Simple Questions To Identify A Midget Conspirator!"

The Truthful Feather,
Chief Editor at the Midget Mincers' Mail (MMM)
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


The Half Heighted Menace: A deconstruction on post modern racial inequalities.

Submitted By: Gw

I've come to fully embrace what it is to be a hin in these past few days. I've even changed my cultured name back to its roots, cutting off half of it to better fit in with my halfling nature. Really, it's been an eye opener, and I have all of the litter in the street to thank me for that.

So lets get down to what it means to be a halfling. Would I sell my own mother to pay rent? Of course not. I don't pay rent. I live in a gutter and I'll sell my mother anyways. Would I steal your jobs? Yes. They're gone now. Nobody knows where I've put them. You can't have them back and I want you to stop asking. Do I want to eat your baby? Your baby? I don't know where that's been. You disgust me. Your baby disgusts me. Bring me a better baby and stop wasting my valuable time. I've eaten so many better babies than yours and I wouldn't wipe my plate with your baby.

Am I a Dire Lesbian, as some fliers have claimed? Of course not. That's elves. I'm just a halflesbian. Please be sensitive to my culture. A dire lesbian has two extra incisors and I have two extra molars. Whoever made this outrageous claim is a failure in lesbian taxonomy.

Do I believe I'm better than you? Absolutely. Am I? Absolutely? Do I have to say it? Yes. Will I say it again? Absolutely.

Stop littering the piking streets with your raggedy opinions otherwise and just accept the fact that all your chairs are going to be child sized from now on.
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


On these war heroes who did not attend the wake! (Midgets, of course!)

Submitted By: The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor at the Midget Mincers' Mail (MMM)

This issue was supposed to address two key points. However, with new reports coming we decided to add a third unexpected one!

First, a question of importance remains. At the MMM, we wonder how the midget pest can multiply so fast, since all of them suffer from public lesbianism. They cannot procreate and we all noticed the sheer unbalance between male and female midgets. What would then explain that whole colonies invade us? Could they all be shapeshifting monsters impersonating midgets so we don't exercise caution? Are all males in prison? Or maybe the petty lords of their lands of misery decided that the cage would be their prison for those deviant midget women who have been banned for cheating on their husband, for looting tombs, for eating babies, for transmitting lust box diseases through benches, or perhaps for fornicating with evil creatures? Maybe this is a scheme so their non-procreating pest leads to the dwindling down of our population?

Second, some more evidence that the halfling pest is betraying the cage emerged last cycle. The midget vermin claim they fought hard in the war. They claim they help the Hive more than anyone else. They claim they are good cagers just like us... and yet, as good and honorable cagers gathered in the Hive at the wake to mourn the fallen, bleakers, cooks, soldiers, musicians, and even a kobold hero... Where were the midget invaders, these noble war heroes? How many of them were there? You cagers guessed it, none of these pesky alleged heroes were there! None of them! This is consistent with reports from a man, a voice of reason and law, who described one of the midgets as "a loud buzzing fly in ugly blue clothing with wavy or curly red hair and who threatened a newcomer with no subtlety at all." The man described how this conspirator claims to be... "The grand master strategist behind the whole war effort". At the MMM, we say STOLEN VALOR!

For our third issue, we will share ten easy questions that will help you figure out whether you're facing one of them. Try them!
- Where in the verse are male midgets?
- Where is your husband?
- Why do you perform lesbian rituals in public?
- Why are you so loud in spite of your grotesque size?
- Why are so many of you fake midget impersonators like demons, dragons, shapeshifters?
- Why would said creatures decide to impersonate grotesque midgets that everyone hates instead of less inferior races such as trolls or kobolds?
- Why do you think digging our ancestors out is fine?
- Why do you tolerate among you demons who publicly claim they want to eat our babies? (A recent article in SIGIS tries to discredit this fact, but we all saw this purple skinned, winged child demon bragging about carnage...)
- Why do they promote free speech but for other opinions than theirs?
- Why do they lie about being war heroes?

The Truthful Feather,
MMM's Chief Editor
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


Corruption and collusion with halfling pest!

Submitted By: The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor at the Midget Mincers' Mail (MMM)

Dear cagers,

Some of you may have heard about the scandalous party in the Lady's Ward. For those who have not because they were unwelcome Hivers just like us, we asked one of our reports to investigate!

The whole party was mostly a gathering of wealthy and ostentatiously dressed cagers. Nonetheless, some are good citizens (our informer was among these wealthy though respectable people).

At the MMM, what irked us the most wasn't the flashy extravagance and eccentricity while the Hive is still licking its wounds. Nor are we irritated by the tremendous joy and unconcern this event features. Nor are we about the suspiciously important amount of wine and beer these people drank! We hivers are used to hearing about that other world they live in.

No. What irked us is that this was but a travesty for one single midget invader to be given THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY COGS! Most of us can't even count that far! Since our families did not receive a single cog for the husbands and children they loss, you would think this pesky invader must have done something incredible to be given such a prize? But no! She only wrote a few words, with less strength than any of the MMM's articles! Is that fair? How should we feel about that, when our children are feasting on the tail of a rat that may have died four cycles ago?!

This disproportion makes no sense at all, and it confirms what we suspected:

THE HIGHEST AUTHORITIES ARE COLLUDING WITH THE HALFLING INVADERS!

They are corrupt! They are laundering midget cogs! The midgets did not attend the wake in the Hive, none of them! But do you think they would miss that party where they received corruption cogs?! No they don't! At least SEVEN of them were there!

This has to stop before the halfling vermin hoards all cogs! We must resist the midget invaders!

The Truthful Feather,
Chief Editor
MMM (Midget Mincers' Mail)
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


An Inclusion of Collusion and Corruption of other Minute Menaces!

Submitted By: The Heartfelt Pincushion, Assistant Editor at the MMM (Midget Mincers' Mail)

Dear cagers,

Today I bring you dire news. The halfling infestation within the upper crusts of Society, culminating with the faction tribute to a pesky person of below average stature in the Sensate's celebration for OUR HARD FOUGHT VICTORY in the war has proven that the corruption of the eclectic and mostly lesbian race of INVADERS has spread to other races of short stature. Not only are goblins, kobolds, and pixies perfect for such petty profanity, but even ELVES and the other LEAST races have proven themselves to be CONSOLIDATING THEIR MINUTE powers as races shorter than the baseline standard and average.

It is a TRAVESTY that that these other smaller races are colluding with the HALFLING MENACE. They offer them OPEN TRIBUTE to appease and assuade them to commit further ADULTERY. They GIVE them our jobs and even our CHILDREN. It is a well known fact that those THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY COGS, a sum of money greater and grander than any hiver like me has known, has gone SPECIFICALLY to indoctrinate YOUR YOUTH into listening to the INCEASSANT babbling of these tiny invaders.

How long until your own children are speaking with chirpy voices, playing pretend as ADULTS like these rodents do? How long until your VALUES and your LIVES are ruled over by someone much SHORTER than you? Say NO to halflings, say NO to goblins, say NO to elves, say NO to kobolds, say NO to dwarves, say NO to gnomes, say NO to kenku, say NO to dromite, say NO to drow, say NO to the ever encroaching DEATH of YOUR values and YOUR family!

The Heartfelt Pincusion, Assistant Editor MMM (Midget Mincers' Mail)
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


The midget conspiracy targets the MMM!

Submitted By: The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor at the Midget Mincers' Mail (MMM)

Dear Cagers,

An impersonator published in SIGIS, claiming to work for the MMM as an Assistant Editor.

This person does not work, has never worked and will never work at the MMM.

We do not endorse their silly opinion that tries to throw shade at honest cagers of various origins and at us, truthful voice of those who cannot voice it.

We suspect this impersonation has been orchestrated by one of the midgets. We will investigate and publicly call out this criminal.

The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor, MMM (Midget Mincers' Mail)
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


The MMM has been compromised by the MIDGET MENACE!

Submitted By: The Heartfelt Pincushion, Assistant Editor

Dear Cagers,

The Truthful Feather has become BEGUILED by the midget menace known as the CRETINOUS shortfolk. Not only have they been colluding with the halflings, but also the dwarves and the dromites too! We true PATRIOTS at the MMM do not cow to the conspiracy of these MIDGET LOVERS. We do not endorse their LENIENCY upon these invaders. They do knot represent us!

Do not let The Truthful Feather speak lies into your ears any further! They've already begun a tactless siege of the office of operations, but the TRUTH WILL LIVE ON even as our WRITING SUPPLIES DWINDLE!

The Heartfelt Pincusion, Assistant Editor, RMMM (Real Midget Mincers' Mail)
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


Wretched Hives and Degenerate Journalists

Submitted By: Gorm-Ar

Chaos grips our fair city of Sigil as riots erupt in the Hive and wretched Hivers fight against our fair Harmonium, which has been plagued with turmoil and disharmony after the tragic death of its beloved Factol. In the wake of our war with Red Sigil, wretched hivers have seized the opportunity to wreak havoc in the absence of the Harmonium int heir district. Would that we had killed them all with the slimy doom, but, alas, lackwits and cowards won the day and allowed these vermin to proliferate. Now they take to the written word and SIGIS' own pages to spread their lackwitted, malignant drivel.

Let it be known here and now that the so-called 'Truthful Feather', and perhaps also the fictitious 'Heartfelt Pincushion' are made up of hivers, treacherous, villainous, thieving scum. All that they blame halflings for - adultery, theft, lasciviousness - is what they too are guilty of. That they malign tanar'ri in their poor rhetoric speaks volumes of their own malevolence, and that they support such a blatantly false narrative of so-called 'halfling conspiracy' speaks also of their own idiocy and of the truthfulness of my words. Perhaps now, armed with firsthand accounts of the malevolence of the Hive, you, my fair Sigilians, will take up arms against their wretched dwellings.

I proclaim, openly and clearly, that these so-called 'journalists' are, in fact, degenerates. They are morally degenerate - blaming other races for their own ills - and mentally degenerate - buying into and perpetuating lackwitted conspiracies - for their own shortsighted gain. We fair citizens of Sigil can only hope that the new Factol from Ortho will bring order to the Hive, order at the point of a sword.

Let there be no doubt, however, that there are indeed conspiracies in Sigil; conspiracies of baatezu and yugoloths and celestials, of degenerate hivers and addlepated fools. The dark of it is that the Truthful Feather most certainly acts as a smokescreen for one of these conspiracies, and it is proving itself effective. More people now are worried about these charlatans than they are about truly significant matters affecting their lives. And I ask you, what conspiracy does the Truthful Feather champion. The conspiracy of Anarchy, perhaps, or maybe it champions yugoloths? We must be wary, we must be cautious, we must be vigilant.

It is best that you heed my words now. In the coming cycles, Sigil will stand at the precipice of doom, put there by the weak and the malevolent. We will need hearts of stone, not hearts of flesh, to drag Sigil back to sanity. Reason and logic must dictate how we act, not feelings and love. Hard choices must be made by hard men, not by soft men.
Post Reply