The Great SIGIS Argument

Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


Logic-based evidence for a halfling conspiracy!

Submitted By: The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor at the Midget Mincers' Mail (MMM)

Dear Cagers,

Some sort of chintzy poety from the Lady's Ward has been calling for more logic in the cage. At the MMM, we value logic more than anyone else for facts are the very basis upon which good journalism is built. Facts, coated with an interpretative layer to uncover the truth that lies between them.

What does logic suggest?

- Halfilngs started invading the cage - Crime boomed in the Hive.

- Their midget conspiracy was uncovered - Armed lackeys started intimidating people for them not to speak.

- This pesky pest kept swarming through portals - More of us lost their job, including innocent Hivers who were only distributing fliers and got molested and beaten up for it. How will they feed their family now?

- The pest started skewing the population toward degenerate females - More and more male halflings (and these are rare and precious!) end up being depressed because they can't find a loved one.

- Hivers started understanding the extent of the midget control over the cage when one of them was given 350 corruption cogs for writting a few words - The halfling menace formed a milicia and started a riot against the Harmonium in the bazaar. They try to intimidate us!

- The war ended - The midget vermin multiplied even more, suggesting they turned a huge profit out of the death of our beloved soldiers and citizens.

- Lots of people died in the war - Midget scum started claiming they were the masterminds behind the victory. We all know nothing is less true.

- The halflings itnroduced their stupid customs of childish giggling, chuckling, snickering, cuddling on benches - Cagers' (youngsters, notably) lost their cognition capabilities. Some even say their dumb customs of acting like children is, quote, 'cuuuuuuuute'.

- The midgets spread their degenerate lust through the Cage - Jinkskirts have raised their price because they now hope they can make more jinks by submitting to the degenerate tiny vermin!

Some would argue that these are coincidence and that it doesn't mean these facts are actually linked (even though these are too many coincidences!) At the MMM, we value logic and know that a form of casual explanation must be proposed for these facts to be formally linked. We have one:

HE MIDGET MENACE IS CONSPIRING TO DESTROY THE CAGE AND MAKE IT THEIR GIGGLE PLAYGROUND WHERE THEY CAN RUB THEIR LUST BOXES ONTO OUR BENCHES TO CONTAMINATE OUR YOUTH WITH OBSCENITY! THEY WANT TO IMPOSE THEIR CHILDISH CULTURE, THEY WANT TO TAKE OUR JOBS, THEY WANT TO TAKE OUR COGS, THEY WANT YOU AS THEIR LACKEY!

In a next issue and since the Harmonium has yet to address the midget issue, we'll call out some of these criminals by sharing a few stories some innocent victims of their crimes reported.

The Truthful Feather,
Chief Editor
MMM
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


Calling out the midget menace!

Submitted By: The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor at the Midget Mincers' Mail (MMM)

Dear Cagers,

In this issue, some reports about some of the midget conspirators to show what they really do! All these are based on testimonial evidence from honest cutters.

- A noble man, voice of law and reason (anonymized because of his official position) told us he saw a winged "loud buzzing fly" (a midget) uttering threats at a newcomer, posing as "the grand master strategist behind the war effort". STOLEN VALOR, THREATS!

- An elegant woman (possibly human - anonymized for her own safety) from the Lady's Ward told us that a blue-haired (female, obviously) halfling is a notorious scammer who preys on unalerted cutters with various scam schemes. This woman witnessed the said midget scamming at least three different cagers. THEFT, DECEITFULNESS, DUMB HAIR COLOR!

- One of the great artists of our cherished Cage (anonymized to avoid retaliation) explained how disgusted she was when she saw one of the midgets - a sort of childish, bat-winged demon with purple skin and long fangs - threatening to indulge in slaughters in the cage, targetting babies in particular. The demon midget said she wants to "cook her whole family but waits until they are fatter". Additional witnesses suggested she also eats other midgets. CANNIBALISM, FAMILYBALISM, BABYBALISM!

- A hound archon (anonymized because he fears retaliation on his horse) asked a halfling to watch his horse while he was getting a drink (he feared an ogre who had drooled at the mount could eat it). He told us how the midget instead targetted the innocent horse with invisibility magic. Other witnesses confirmed the story and told us the midget had been openly lusting for the horse. Who knows what she did to the poor animal. She assaulted the archon for telling her he wanted his horse back. The midget was dressed in red, is always hooded (why does she hide her face?), and used to run a jink-junk shop. MAGICAL ASSAULT ON A HORSE, PROBABLE GROPING OF THE HORSE.

- The same hound archon told us he had been harassed by another midget who verbally assaulted him for telling her: "Greetings, fine lady." He could not explain her behavior. At the MMM, we believe the midget wanted a more bombastic title to be used, such as "My Queen" or "Empress". Other witnesses claim she is a spy who interrogates people on their culture to understand how to undermine it. VERBAL ASSAULT FOR NO REASON, SPYING, ASSAULT ON CULTURES.

- Several different witnesses told us about a midget who wanders around in arms. The shovel she carries is not only dangerous. The said perpetrator also bragged about digging bodies out and stealing their properties for her personal collection. According to these witnesses, she will try to raise funds for honest cagers to pay for her sinister hobby. LOOTING TOMBS, WALKING AROUND WIHT A SHOVEL.

Here is a visual description of these six criminals.
*Six caricatural and slapdash Hin portraits follow. All have messy hair, swollen ears, a mischievous smirk and bloodthirsty eyes.*

TTF
MMM
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


Against the 'Truthful' Feather

Submitted By: Gorm-Ar

It is clear one and all that the so-called 'Truthful Feather' indulges in exhorting the wretched denizens of the Hive to commit crimes. While the Truthful Feather purports to champion investigations, it seems to have done nothing of the sort. Meanwhilst, I followed a trail of fliers left on the streets, which led to the Hive District, the last flier proclaiming that halflings are 'rich with cogs' and that they should not 'leave the Hive as loaded as they entered it', clearly a flier written by the hivers staffing the Truthful Feather.

The so-called 'facts' that the Truthful Feather brings forward are nothing of the sort, falsehoods that even a troglodyte can see through. The claim, for example, that a boom in crime in the Hive coincided with the arrival of halfling vagabonds to Sigil is absurd, bordering on Xaositect rambling. The increase in crime coincided with the decrease of Harmonium patrols following the war with Red Sigil, and the continual lessened grip the Harmonium holds over the Hive. Additionally, an increase in crime also followed in the slimy doom outbreak, and generally emerges whenever there is chaos in the Hive, as the 'people' that dwell therein are predisposed to such villainy.

The Truth Feather also laments the lake of male halflings, despite proclaiming halflings as 'midgets', 'degenerates', and 'scum'. This clearly indicates that the Truthful Feather operates not from a position of logic, but from a position of feeling. No doubt the authors of this 'journalist' organization are romantically inclined towards male halflings, and the authors are lashing out against halflings because of lack of a mate. This sort of behavior is not uncommon among certain zealots, who often commit the very crimes they rail against, or are part of a people or persuasion that they believe is abhorrent.

Further evidence of my claims is present in the form of the diatribe explaining halfling 'customs' and 'behaviors'. This is not an argument formed by reason, but one by aggravation and hatred. The Truthful Feather also provides 'interviews' with other people, but how can we know that these are not falsified? With this in mind, and with the obvious biases and hatred of the Truthful Feather, it is safe to conclude that these are fabrications. Honesty, truth, logic and reason are not values the Truthful Feather hold. Instead it holds to crime, chaos, and Anarchy.

The Truthful Feather is the result of the Hive. It is the harvest that you, mighty Sigilians, have sown. More lunacy such as this is no doubt forthcoming; only token efforts have been made to quell this madness. When will we take the side of reason and heal Sigil's sanity? This is all that the Hive can offer us; madness, crime, immorality. How many Harmonium need die to the Hive? How many plagues must we endure because of it? How many people must die, how many riches must be stolen, how many women must be assaulted? The Hive must be destroyed. The Hive must perish so that Sigil may live.
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


Fake Upper Plane MIDGET CONSPIRATOR Within the MMM!

Submitted By: Heartfelt Pincusion, Assistant

Dear Cagers,

Today I bring you dire news. The Chief Editor of the MMM is fully compromised. Now from my safe hideout I must prepare to publish the truth as known to me, a close confidant of this righteous crusader turned devious INVADER. Unless Truthful Feather publishes in TOTALITY a disavowment of their previous claims of falsehood under MY NAME upon my publishing of the TRUTH then their identity will be FULLY DISCLosED to the public via an article in NO MORE THAN TWO CYCLES TIME.

FURTHERMORE, they must AGREE TO OUR RIGHTEOUS CAUSE and speak the TRUTH on matters of dwarves and dromites! They have faltered, flattered by the stumpy body of these MINUTE MENACES. Their womanizing has gotten the better of them!

Truthful Feather, you MUST see the error in your ways! We will knot be MUZZLED by this. You must pause in your errantry and come back to the righteous path. You do not wish to lead your friends and animal companions down a loathesome road of SLOVENLY DEBAUCHERY.

Heartfelt Pincushion
Assistant Editor
RMMM (Real Midget Mincer's Mail)
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


MMM's answer to Heartfall Pancushion

Submitted By: The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor

-SPECIAL RELEASE-

After careful consideration, the MMM's editorial board and the Truthful Feather decided to offer a join answer to this Heartfall Pancushion's demands.

-SPECIAL RELEASE-





No.



-------------------------------------
Sincerely yours,
The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor,
The Editorial Board,
Our Independent Journalists,
The Rest Of Our Staff,
Including Those Who Sweep the Floor,
Midget Mincers' Mail (MMM)
-------------------------------------
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


A Simple Message From A Harmonium Officer

Submitted By: Ygthil Emberblood

As you, reader, have likely noticed, the articles before this one contain no small amount of catastrophizing. Endless words regarding cults, conspiracies, crimes, and all manner of imminent doom.

Suffice it to say this; none of the writers of these articles have bothered to file a single report to the Harmonium, despite how urgent and dreadful they declare everything to be.

The legal protections of Sigil make no distinctions based on race or residence. Attempts to disturb the peace will be answered, and accusations against citizens should be made through the proper channels, rather than through SIGIS.

Likewise, anyone targeted by these articles is advised to not rise to their provocations. Simply forward the information you have to the Harmonium, and allow this to be addressed in a lawful manner.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

-Ygthil Emberblood,
Notary Five.
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


An Expose on They Who Do Not Wish to be Exposed

Submitted by: Heartfelt Pincushion, Ex-Assistant Editor

Dear Cagers,

I bring terrible news to you today. My hands has been forced. Today I reveal one of the writers behind Truthful Feather. First, I will propose to you a backstory of Truthful Feather, or Feathers as it were.

They are a communion of no less than three writers who have found common ground after being rejected, rebuffed, or outbusinessed by Hinfolk. They hold themselves in secret, acting within the Bottle&Jug and giving jobs to errand boys and other lackies in an attempt to keep themselves hidden from the public eye.

One of which is a fallen Upper Planar known as Walerand. Walerand's own lamentations for the hinfolk revolve around a particularly loathesome rebuffing of his supposed gentlemanly charms by a pair of women loving hinfolk. It was on that day that Walerand, the Hound Archon, joined the Truthful Feather Triad.

I am penetant for ever associating myself with such miscreants and vagabonds. In the coming days, I will expose more information regarding these racist violaters of the public trust, these anarchists, and these foul siren fallen celestials attempting to abuse public perception of their kind.

Heartfelt Pincushion,
Ex-Assistant Editor
RMMM (Real Midget Mincers' Mail)
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


Halfling VERMIN attempts to Besmirch Good Cager Name

Submitted By: The Truthful Feather, Chief Editor

Dear Cagers,

Recent publications have attempted to cast doubt on the good mission of the Midget Mincers' Mail and their many staff members. While we have previously conducted INTERVIEWS with the good Hound ARchon mentioned in prior pieces, his is not among our staff! Do not let yourself be caughti n CHILDISH BABBLING DECEPTION!

TTF
MMM
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


Hound Archon Walerand offering support to the coward Heartfelt Pincushion

Submitted By: Hound Archon Walerand

What a nest of low intrigues, gossips and dilapidations has this crowned asylum become?

It is a crime to exacerbate passions of reaction and intolerance while sheltering under the odious shadows of anonymity. It is a crime to mislay opinions with a spiteful work and to prevent them to the point of becoming delirious. And it is yet another crime to rely on the filthy press so that the rabble insolently triumphs over law and simple probity.

He or she who wrote this adversarial letter seems to be a most complicated and hazy spirit, haunted by romantic intrigues, caught up in serialized stories, anonymous letters, imaginary appointments in deserted places with mysterious women who sell forged condemning evidences at night. A heinous wrok of folly and a goofy craft of absurdity.

Unless a medical examination declares them to be affected by a disease of sight and judgment, I declare them guilty of submitting untrue and fraudulent reports based on a monstrous imagination and a whole torturing insanity. It would take an investigation of the vilest partiality and an imperishable monument of naive audacity to accuse me of no longer being part of the very essence of Celestia. It takes a one-of-a-kind brash imbecility to believe a Hound Archon would not stand for what they think, in public, proudly, with assertive confidence.

To this insane writer,

This ominous offense of slander you committed is a shameful and ineffaceable spot of mud on your name, not on mine. Had you not already sentenced yourself to the indelible stains of ridicule; were your tortured mind not placing you on the side of the powerless victims of some social evil; had cowardice not conquered your feeble heart, I would take my glove off and would finalize this humiliation you decided to inflict on yourself with a neat and graceful slap on this hideous face that most likely mirrors your inner turpitude.

As a faithful and good-hearted Archon, I nonetheless feel compassion and empathy for lost souls who, just like you, suffer the ever-present assaults of Derangement. Your delusional and pointless writings may not be worth an answer from anyone, let alone a Hound Archon. Yet, even foul-smelling and purulent hearts like yours shall be offered some much needed help. Come to me and beyond the aforementioned corrective action that honor requires, I will bless you with my kind assistance in your struggle with your folly.

Hound Archon Walerand.
Tingly
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:33 am

Posted by Tingly »


An Inconsequential Kerfuffle

Submitted By: Ran Gedjoldor, Scholar of the Library of Lore

Long have the remotely reputable papers and littering been filled with... well, study the pages around and thou will understand. I seldom wish to get actively involved, but it is clear an immediate resolution is nay in sight. And I shall be speaking from perspective of my faith. One of our tenets is as follows:

The harder one tries, the more resistance one creates for oneself.

And this I believe is the sole intent. Polarizing to enable victimizing themselves. See for thyself which manner of forces are at play. And perhaps the answer, whether they have thine best interest in mind, will become clear. On one hand thee have a tanar'ri and "faceless" hate monger. On the other... well thee barely hear of the other side, as they've realized what nearly everyone already has. That these arguments are good for chuckles, but nay even a little credible.

As far as jokes go, amusing initially, but when thee repeat the same one over and over, which brings me to another tenet of Boccobian faith; know when it's time to stop, if thou don't know, then stop when thee are done.

I could argue with many of the statements made... but the truth of the matter is, thee already know the answers. And it'd be patronizing to assume anything else. If thee, like I, wish to see and hear more matters discussed. I suggest disregard the ever more repetitive statements, and instead create new and more intriguing topics.


======================================================
To this end, I propose that perhaps it is the Hive Ward which deserves thine attention and effort. If nay the Hive Ward, then thee can find much to be done sitll. Many have fallen during the war. Rebuilding efforts still are under way within the Glorium and Faunel.

There are great many opportunities available within the planes, for those of whom seek them.
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