Day 11
I just had the most fantastic day in a long time! Not only did I see Neli and we got along great.. It was like old times and I couldn't help but get playful again. Everything seemed to make sense... and it was alright... and she was so beautiful... and and... So yeah. It gives me a lot of hope for the future, not just for myself but in that I'm making good progress in regards to the 'us' too.
I invited her to Amir's party which I've been thinking more and more about of late. I hope Sonny comes back soon and we can get this together. Neli is gonna wear that fancy black outfit we concocted a long time ago for our big outing... I'd better stop before I drool on the page. Screw it! *There seems to be a deliberate small drool stain on the page.*
Otherwise I have to say I love my friends for keeping me sober in all this. They're such a beacon of strength for me and I don't know how to show it. Maybe the party is a good start.
Gwyn's Journal: On Becoming a Fey
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*Knightoftheradish
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Day 12
So Neli and I had this deal right? Her time was always free for friends and my gems were always free for her. We arranged to spend some quality time together in exchange for some rare gems I had lying around; both things we would have given each other sooner or later anyway.
She finally had enough spare time to pull me aside; though it did involve turning away a client. *She draws a few hearts here for mysterious reasons*
We wound up at the waterfalls, somewhere we hadn't been in a while, and got around to playing. There was a certain magic to the encounter... See usually when Neli and I play its at the expense of others but this time we had our own little war between one another. I think I won given the ruthless tickling... But damnation did her lips look tasty.
In our current situation she feels we make better friends and in her mind the future between us hinges on whether she feels we would make a good couple alongside her own willingness to be in a relationship. That being said she'd rather not get into more of a 'bedroom' playtime because it might put us together before we were even ready. She did let me listen to the beating of her heart as she lay recovering from the tickles... I'd never heard anything so beautiful before in my life... That sound... That sound meant she was alive, and that I was close to her.
Day 13
Today Sondaal, Amir, Dom, Neli and I all went to help Gryph out with a sort of atonement she felt she needed. The gold dragon who was advising her was behind a portal that needed a person to imagine themselves as they are to get through and to this Gryph failed to open it a few times. After Sondaal got us through we collected the dragon Auren and made off to talk at the inn. Apparently her task was to figure out who she is, in her own mind anyway.
After a bunch of suggestions of how to get into a meditative state she chose Neli's option of a harmony stone in the fest hall. When Gryph finally stirred she was confident of two things. She knew who she was, but also in turn that her atonement could wait. Her place was with her friends.
To celebrate we were all going to the inn for drinks and pie. I put out my arm to Neli for the walk but she wouldn't accept it. Was I misreading her from the night before? I didn't understand but we seemed to be okay with physical contact... Sometimes she ties my brain in knots and I don't know what to do... It was almost ironic that she was lost in her own world of wanting to think and be alone, and we both left at the same time. Her drunk and me sad.
She hasn't come home yet and its been a few hours... I'm going to go out looking for her soon.
So Neli and I had this deal right? Her time was always free for friends and my gems were always free for her. We arranged to spend some quality time together in exchange for some rare gems I had lying around; both things we would have given each other sooner or later anyway.
She finally had enough spare time to pull me aside; though it did involve turning away a client. *She draws a few hearts here for mysterious reasons*
We wound up at the waterfalls, somewhere we hadn't been in a while, and got around to playing. There was a certain magic to the encounter... See usually when Neli and I play its at the expense of others but this time we had our own little war between one another. I think I won given the ruthless tickling... But damnation did her lips look tasty.
In our current situation she feels we make better friends and in her mind the future between us hinges on whether she feels we would make a good couple alongside her own willingness to be in a relationship. That being said she'd rather not get into more of a 'bedroom' playtime because it might put us together before we were even ready. She did let me listen to the beating of her heart as she lay recovering from the tickles... I'd never heard anything so beautiful before in my life... That sound... That sound meant she was alive, and that I was close to her.
Day 13
Today Sondaal, Amir, Dom, Neli and I all went to help Gryph out with a sort of atonement she felt she needed. The gold dragon who was advising her was behind a portal that needed a person to imagine themselves as they are to get through and to this Gryph failed to open it a few times. After Sondaal got us through we collected the dragon Auren and made off to talk at the inn. Apparently her task was to figure out who she is, in her own mind anyway.
After a bunch of suggestions of how to get into a meditative state she chose Neli's option of a harmony stone in the fest hall. When Gryph finally stirred she was confident of two things. She knew who she was, but also in turn that her atonement could wait. Her place was with her friends.
To celebrate we were all going to the inn for drinks and pie. I put out my arm to Neli for the walk but she wouldn't accept it. Was I misreading her from the night before? I didn't understand but we seemed to be okay with physical contact... Sometimes she ties my brain in knots and I don't know what to do... It was almost ironic that she was lost in her own world of wanting to think and be alone, and we both left at the same time. Her drunk and me sad.
She hasn't come home yet and its been a few hours... I'm going to go out looking for her soon.
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*Knightoftheradish
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Day 15
I haven't written in my journal in a little while. I know I've been keeping at it but does it have any meaning to it? Anyway the other night I think I got something worth mentionning.
So I got Neli home since she was tired and our friend Dragon gave her something to help her sleep. For a time I sat by her side stroking her until she passed on to the land of dreaming... Though I must have dozed off beside her; which I'm surprised since Neli was umm... Snoring... Ferociously.
At some point in the night she woke me up because I'd apparently been crying in my sleep and clinging to her like death was on my heels. This wasn't anything new really, something I went through a lot while we were dating... but it was always the same; the nightmare that is.
She offered to talk about it despite my reservations. I really didn't want her to think less of me for them... but clasping her hands in mine gave me a little reassurance that we were friends now and maybe in some ways she didn't need me to be as full of a person to just be simply that. I told her "I've always had it.. When we would go to sleep I'd see .. well... you leaving me... but then it actually happened out in the real real world and it still doesn't go away.. I'm just reliving it... and... I don't understand... I just don't understand hearts... if they just mean to hurt us."
To which she replied at first about other people's points of view. Her mom for one who would say that its just a dream and what our minds throw out there... Then there was the women she used to bunk with on the primes that would say dreams traverse a more pure reality. More so that I would have an important part of my life to deal with so I could move on.
I told her simply that I was confused. This dream which was in the past still hurt me. I added that I never meant to feel this way, and there was only love once upon a time. Crossing my arms I offered in a serious tone without intending to be serious that if this is what it meant to have a heart I didn't want one.
After some wild accusation of my being silly Neli continued! *She draws in brackets a face with a tongue sticking out.* She said I was still hung up on our seperation. Before it was a fear of her leaving me, then it became a reality. 'The stuff o' nightmares' she called it. She also explained to me that if we never get back together for better or worse I have loved. Not everyone can say they've experienced that... and though there's pain now that doesn't mean I can't love again. The only thing getting in the way was myself.
I expressed my wish of wanting us to go back a step... to where we were seperated but if only to think about how to make 'us' work. I offered to make breakfast too, maybe I was just being nervous about getting hurt again... Though I do like filling her with tasty food...
She wanted me to try and figure out what I can do, because turning back time I obviously couldn't. In a reflective moment I realized that if all I want is Neli then there's nothing I could do but wait and see how she feels in time; after her own journey. Neli said that it was a start but my life couldn't simply revolve around hers.
"Your life is so much more interesting than mine. You're making a workshop... and someday you're gonna have a ship... everyone likes you... I like you..." Is what I said.
She caught a brief laugh and said the irony was that she's finally discovering she doesn't like herself... and that I knew her better than anyone in Sigil but I'm still in love with Neli the Icon and not the person. In turn I offered that when Neli should find the person I'd be delighted to meet her.
So as it turns out Neli is afraid of certain truths given her life of lies she used to lead. I'm starting to understand more and more what a huge change this is for her. I tried to give her a sense of hope though in retrospect that's not the hope shes looking for... I told her that while the people we are and were aren't really compatible in the real world there is a deep compatability of spirit between us. I said something like.... "when we find ourselves through the rubble and embers there is still going to be love... I promise you." She appended my statement in her rational way that there is still definitely love between the two of us but we can love each other and still not 'work'.
I took her hand to where my heart lies and said " Nobody ever told me or gave me the illusion of truth... the simple fact is every time my heart beats it tells me that I belong to you. And so maybe love isn't enough... but my instincts tell me that when its done... When its all over... There's still going to be an us." She stared at me quietly for a time, there was definitely something on her mind which she wouldn't speak.
And then there was breakfast!
I haven't written in my journal in a little while. I know I've been keeping at it but does it have any meaning to it? Anyway the other night I think I got something worth mentionning.
So I got Neli home since she was tired and our friend Dragon gave her something to help her sleep. For a time I sat by her side stroking her until she passed on to the land of dreaming... Though I must have dozed off beside her; which I'm surprised since Neli was umm... Snoring... Ferociously.
At some point in the night she woke me up because I'd apparently been crying in my sleep and clinging to her like death was on my heels. This wasn't anything new really, something I went through a lot while we were dating... but it was always the same; the nightmare that is.
She offered to talk about it despite my reservations. I really didn't want her to think less of me for them... but clasping her hands in mine gave me a little reassurance that we were friends now and maybe in some ways she didn't need me to be as full of a person to just be simply that. I told her "I've always had it.. When we would go to sleep I'd see .. well... you leaving me... but then it actually happened out in the real real world and it still doesn't go away.. I'm just reliving it... and... I don't understand... I just don't understand hearts... if they just mean to hurt us."
To which she replied at first about other people's points of view. Her mom for one who would say that its just a dream and what our minds throw out there... Then there was the women she used to bunk with on the primes that would say dreams traverse a more pure reality. More so that I would have an important part of my life to deal with so I could move on.
I told her simply that I was confused. This dream which was in the past still hurt me. I added that I never meant to feel this way, and there was only love once upon a time. Crossing my arms I offered in a serious tone without intending to be serious that if this is what it meant to have a heart I didn't want one.
After some wild accusation of my being silly Neli continued! *She draws in brackets a face with a tongue sticking out.* She said I was still hung up on our seperation. Before it was a fear of her leaving me, then it became a reality. 'The stuff o' nightmares' she called it. She also explained to me that if we never get back together for better or worse I have loved. Not everyone can say they've experienced that... and though there's pain now that doesn't mean I can't love again. The only thing getting in the way was myself.
I expressed my wish of wanting us to go back a step... to where we were seperated but if only to think about how to make 'us' work. I offered to make breakfast too, maybe I was just being nervous about getting hurt again... Though I do like filling her with tasty food...
She wanted me to try and figure out what I can do, because turning back time I obviously couldn't. In a reflective moment I realized that if all I want is Neli then there's nothing I could do but wait and see how she feels in time; after her own journey. Neli said that it was a start but my life couldn't simply revolve around hers.
"Your life is so much more interesting than mine. You're making a workshop... and someday you're gonna have a ship... everyone likes you... I like you..." Is what I said.
She caught a brief laugh and said the irony was that she's finally discovering she doesn't like herself... and that I knew her better than anyone in Sigil but I'm still in love with Neli the Icon and not the person. In turn I offered that when Neli should find the person I'd be delighted to meet her.
So as it turns out Neli is afraid of certain truths given her life of lies she used to lead. I'm starting to understand more and more what a huge change this is for her. I tried to give her a sense of hope though in retrospect that's not the hope shes looking for... I told her that while the people we are and were aren't really compatible in the real world there is a deep compatability of spirit between us. I said something like.... "when we find ourselves through the rubble and embers there is still going to be love... I promise you." She appended my statement in her rational way that there is still definitely love between the two of us but we can love each other and still not 'work'.
I took her hand to where my heart lies and said " Nobody ever told me or gave me the illusion of truth... the simple fact is every time my heart beats it tells me that I belong to you. And so maybe love isn't enough... but my instincts tell me that when its done... When its all over... There's still going to be an us." She stared at me quietly for a time, there was definitely something on her mind which she wouldn't speak.
And then there was breakfast!
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*Knightoftheradish
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Day 16
I happened upon the most bizarre of tieflings earlier. I'm not sure if I ever caught her name but the red haired and ashen skin tiefling left a few marks on my mind that I couldn't quite understand.
First she started asking me about my outfit, and if I were some kind of slave... I tried explaining to her this story about how Neli and I got into a discussion with a man who said that on matters of revealing clothes somewhere in between the two of us was ideal for sparking interest... Instead all I got was this odd tiefling tugging at the strap that held the piece together through my legs. I got kind of upset and after a lot of explaining and a gratuitous amount of groping on her part she seemed to understand that I wasn't looking to be either controlled or played with by just anyone.
She suggested that mailing myself all wrapped up tight to Neli with my collar reading "Property of Neli" would be a viable means of winning her affection... Now... Its not that I have a huge problem with this, its kind of funny and kinky in its own way... but Neli told me that the reason we can't do that kind of stuff is we might end up together too soon and we wouldn't have grown all that we should in between. I'd love to see the look on her face though...
I retold the story to Avaith who asked me why I didn't mind getting touched so much. I mean any normal person would've reacted adversely and called for help. In brief I told her about the Knights of Arcadia and what they put me through. Its the only reason I can think of where an extra set of hands on me didn't seem so out of place. The next time it happened though... yes... shortly after there was a next time... but hold on! The next time it happened I got all uppity and angry.
I had changed outfits to try and subtly keep the mystery groper at bay but I think she liked this one even better. Eventually through all my complaining and threats, and putting paint in her nose and others place she stopped. One thing I did notice in all this was that despite some obvious differences the tiefling and I share a bit in common. She was rather playful beyond the literal playtime she got... For some reason I want to get to know her better... The three of us went out for dinner, after which the tiefling passed out and we carried her to a room. Wet and covered in minced chicken as it were.
On my way off to bed myself I spied Dragon and Vanya which led us to talk for a bit. They're both friends, or at least I call them friends, but in truth I know so little about either of them. There will have to be time to rectify that.
I happened upon the most bizarre of tieflings earlier. I'm not sure if I ever caught her name but the red haired and ashen skin tiefling left a few marks on my mind that I couldn't quite understand.
First she started asking me about my outfit, and if I were some kind of slave... I tried explaining to her this story about how Neli and I got into a discussion with a man who said that on matters of revealing clothes somewhere in between the two of us was ideal for sparking interest... Instead all I got was this odd tiefling tugging at the strap that held the piece together through my legs. I got kind of upset and after a lot of explaining and a gratuitous amount of groping on her part she seemed to understand that I wasn't looking to be either controlled or played with by just anyone.
She suggested that mailing myself all wrapped up tight to Neli with my collar reading "Property of Neli" would be a viable means of winning her affection... Now... Its not that I have a huge problem with this, its kind of funny and kinky in its own way... but Neli told me that the reason we can't do that kind of stuff is we might end up together too soon and we wouldn't have grown all that we should in between. I'd love to see the look on her face though...
I retold the story to Avaith who asked me why I didn't mind getting touched so much. I mean any normal person would've reacted adversely and called for help. In brief I told her about the Knights of Arcadia and what they put me through. Its the only reason I can think of where an extra set of hands on me didn't seem so out of place. The next time it happened though... yes... shortly after there was a next time... but hold on! The next time it happened I got all uppity and angry.
I had changed outfits to try and subtly keep the mystery groper at bay but I think she liked this one even better. Eventually through all my complaining and threats, and putting paint in her nose and others place she stopped. One thing I did notice in all this was that despite some obvious differences the tiefling and I share a bit in common. She was rather playful beyond the literal playtime she got... For some reason I want to get to know her better... The three of us went out for dinner, after which the tiefling passed out and we carried her to a room. Wet and covered in minced chicken as it were.
On my way off to bed myself I spied Dragon and Vanya which led us to talk for a bit. They're both friends, or at least I call them friends, but in truth I know so little about either of them. There will have to be time to rectify that.
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*Knightoftheradish
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Day 17
Mostly uneventful, though that's my own fault for staying home. Late at night I crept out to the stalls just to say hi to Neli while she was working, and Gryph was with her. I'd hoped that Gryph and I could get to know one another better though... Minus what they needed to talk about she seemed pretty insistent that Neli and I spend some time alone together.
I asked Neli about the gift without actually telling her what it was. At worst I'm looking at being turned into a chicken for a few hours I think... So I'm gonna do it! Pleeeeeease pretty please whoever is out there I want her to make good use of it. *She draws a symbol of Verenestra on the page*
Mostly uneventful, though that's my own fault for staying home. Late at night I crept out to the stalls just to say hi to Neli while she was working, and Gryph was with her. I'd hoped that Gryph and I could get to know one another better though... Minus what they needed to talk about she seemed pretty insistent that Neli and I spend some time alone together.
I asked Neli about the gift without actually telling her what it was. At worst I'm looking at being turned into a chicken for a few hours I think... So I'm gonna do it! Pleeeeeease pretty please whoever is out there I want her to make good use of it. *She draws a symbol of Verenestra on the page*
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*Knightoftheradish
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Day 20
A couple of nights ago I hosted an unbirthday party for Amir at a cave in the gray wastes. The idea was simple enough for everyone to play the part, though as I discovered later a bit too literally. There were pointless games, a flavorless pie, some bath tub gin, a morose singer, and of course hugs all around.
At first I felt bad. Not only did so few people show up but some left early as well. I just wanted everyone to get together to celebrate for Amir and I'd wondered if I had only wound up humiliating him in the process.
After we packed up and went our ways to the bazaar again though Amir came up behind me and whispered that it was one of the nicest things that has ever been done for him. It just goes to show you that everyone needs different things to be content in life. I'd have been sad if that were my party, but it was enough for him.
I would up being a little discouraged that Neli hadn't come.. but I know she's a busy person. I'm not sure if I was sending off warning bells but some stranger saw fit to try and talk to me about it and I just felt walls closing in on me... He kept trying to take my side but there were not sides to take in this. I actually got upset when he blamed Neli for our failed relationship. The man didn't even know us or what we had gone through. I held my ground and told him that wasn't the way of it... sometimes you just want to talk about whats on your mind after all... it didn't need to be fixed.
It only made me realize that I need to work on moving on. While she dangles a very thin thread of hope for me I know my persistence in wanting my Cookie back is going to draw lines for people to pick a side. On one hand the fey who is too damaged to enjoy simply being alive and the other a fey who works too hard to enjoy what she has. Neither of us is winning the way it goes now... but... I still live for those precious moments we're together.
A couple of nights ago I hosted an unbirthday party for Amir at a cave in the gray wastes. The idea was simple enough for everyone to play the part, though as I discovered later a bit too literally. There were pointless games, a flavorless pie, some bath tub gin, a morose singer, and of course hugs all around.
At first I felt bad. Not only did so few people show up but some left early as well. I just wanted everyone to get together to celebrate for Amir and I'd wondered if I had only wound up humiliating him in the process.
After we packed up and went our ways to the bazaar again though Amir came up behind me and whispered that it was one of the nicest things that has ever been done for him. It just goes to show you that everyone needs different things to be content in life. I'd have been sad if that were my party, but it was enough for him.
I would up being a little discouraged that Neli hadn't come.. but I know she's a busy person. I'm not sure if I was sending off warning bells but some stranger saw fit to try and talk to me about it and I just felt walls closing in on me... He kept trying to take my side but there were not sides to take in this. I actually got upset when he blamed Neli for our failed relationship. The man didn't even know us or what we had gone through. I held my ground and told him that wasn't the way of it... sometimes you just want to talk about whats on your mind after all... it didn't need to be fixed.
It only made me realize that I need to work on moving on. While she dangles a very thin thread of hope for me I know my persistence in wanting my Cookie back is going to draw lines for people to pick a side. On one hand the fey who is too damaged to enjoy simply being alive and the other a fey who works too hard to enjoy what she has. Neither of us is winning the way it goes now... but... I still live for those precious moments we're together.
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*Knightoftheradish
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
((Until mentioned otherwise posts in here aren't physically in the journal but will be caught up on once Gwynnithe is returned to her body. Also try to imagine though there will only be a certain number of posts in her current state that years worth of musings would have been written in the physical journal later. Also yes I'm aware this will make sense for practically nobody.))
Day... Well I don't know. I've lost count of the days in my newly found life. I'm not sure if what Antonid did killed me or where I am exactly. Could this really be an afterlife? There's naught but my thoughts and the bitterly infinite darkness all around me.
What are tears to a person without eyes? Why am I afraid and sad without a heart? I've never felt so alone before save for a brief wisp of feeling that comes and goes now and again. Someone is watching me and trying to commune... but I don't know what to say even if I knew how, let alone to trust.
I'll admit that without use of my senses I'm going a little stir crazy. I can't smell anything, taste anything, see anything, feel anything or hear anything. All I've been doing is thinking for what feels like days and there's only so much of myself I can handle at one time. Also... There's no pie in this afterlife. I think I got screwed.
All this because someone promised me away before I was even born... I couldn't stand the thought of abandoning Neli for some troglodyte jerk but... now look at where its gotten me...
The walls of the darkness feel ever expansive at the same time as claustrophobic; is it my imagination? Maybe this is what a coma feels like...
Day... Well I don't know. I've lost count of the days in my newly found life. I'm not sure if what Antonid did killed me or where I am exactly. Could this really be an afterlife? There's naught but my thoughts and the bitterly infinite darkness all around me.
What are tears to a person without eyes? Why am I afraid and sad without a heart? I've never felt so alone before save for a brief wisp of feeling that comes and goes now and again. Someone is watching me and trying to commune... but I don't know what to say even if I knew how, let alone to trust.
I'll admit that without use of my senses I'm going a little stir crazy. I can't smell anything, taste anything, see anything, feel anything or hear anything. All I've been doing is thinking for what feels like days and there's only so much of myself I can handle at one time. Also... There's no pie in this afterlife. I think I got screwed.
All this because someone promised me away before I was even born... I couldn't stand the thought of abandoning Neli for some troglodyte jerk but... now look at where its gotten me...
The walls of the darkness feel ever expansive at the same time as claustrophobic; is it my imagination? Maybe this is what a coma feels like...
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*Knightoftheradish
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
((I should note for concerned parties who have a clue what happened she is not experiencing time at the same rate as the outside world.))
Day?
Weeks within worlds where worry wields warrant. I do not feel like myself. The little mouse I conjured up with my mind told me that sometimes to get at forbidden cheeses one has to put themselves a little bit out on the line. I considered him for a moment but then realized sometimes a mouse is just a mouse; there is no cheese in my prison of dark...
I went shopping today... Or rather imagined shopping. Though I wonder if all I am now is thought are my thoughts my reality. Did I truly go shopping in this case? ... I bought Neli a parasol with images of cherry blossoms embroidered into the weaving. Imaginary cherry blossoms...
Stupid mouse.
Day?
Weeks within worlds where worry wields warrant. I do not feel like myself. The little mouse I conjured up with my mind told me that sometimes to get at forbidden cheeses one has to put themselves a little bit out on the line. I considered him for a moment but then realized sometimes a mouse is just a mouse; there is no cheese in my prison of dark...
I went shopping today... Or rather imagined shopping. Though I wonder if all I am now is thought are my thoughts my reality. Did I truly go shopping in this case? ... I bought Neli a parasol with images of cherry blossoms embroidered into the weaving. Imaginary cherry blossoms...
Stupid mouse.
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*Knightoftheradish
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
*Singing to herself* Wheeeeen the pie hits your eyeeeee that's a fey soireeeeeeee.... Lalalala fey soireeeeeeee.... If there's too much to choooose but nothing to loooooose that's a good day... lalallalalla gooooood daaaaaay... Hoooooow about sugar beans, oh there's nooooo in between; that's a paraaaaade... A PARAAAAADE!
Thank you.. Thank you everyone. If you'll please direct yourselves to the main chamber there are refreshments.
Please help.
Thank you.. Thank you everyone. If you'll please direct yourselves to the main chamber there are refreshments.
Please help.
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*Knightoftheradish
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
It was the songs that kept me alive as I faded deeper and deeper into the abyss of nothingness that had been my home.
I felt a pressure caving in on me from several sides, and I perceived minds that were not my own. It had been ages since I'd had any visitors and so I set up tea... The visitor claimed to be Neli and that she'd brought some friends with her. Nick, Cratten and Marx to be specific. She showed me an image of them outside around an orb; so familiar but distant... I was starting to remember about my captivity.
A man named Antonid had come to me one evening looking to talk. The old man was so horribly disfigured, and I felt it might brighten his day. We took a walk through the forests in the beastlands; as it turned out he was a fey. I offered him some 'Neli Beans', and he in turn offered me a quick jab with a cold iron syringe.
Every moment felt like a new death where the body survives but the heart sinks a little bit deeper into oblivion. He calmly explained to me that the syringe had alchemically altered cold iron to stay in a liquid stay with only body heat. Slowly it would make its way through my blood. The world was spinning and my powers were long beyond my grasp.
His story went something on forever in that rambling old guy kind of way... In short he told me that as a member of a certain house in the unseelie court he was bound to their rules. The head of the house having seen him as a political threat obligated him to find union within the seelie court to make the task near impossible, and shaming if he did.
It just so happened that there was a couple within a seelie house that had been in a dishonored state for having mixed heavily into human bloodlines. They agreed to offer their new daughter to make this unholy union in exchange for redemption. My parents. Obviously they changed their minds...
20 years later he had finally found me and was offering me the 'choice' to come live my life with him. I was still waiting for Neli to decide... Decide if we were good together or she even was a relationship kind of person. I would not make my last free act to betray my heart; instead I would wait.
I could barely make out the figures of the large group of people who came to surround me but I felt their magics... until I felt, saw, heard, taste and smelled nothing.
As the picture became clearer Cratten, Marx and Nick were trying to repair my memories while Neli was communicating with me. Mostly we worked through images and a little with sensations.
I knew that she sacrificed everything to try and save me, and I tried... I tried to let her know it would be okay. That I'd fix it. In turn I showed her that I was still thinking about my journal and that I was almost ready to give it to her. From it she knew I still was hoping for our tomorrow. She yelled a quick reply but I couldn't make sense of it... There was such passion in her manner... I think she meant to say yes.
I sent her off to help the others fix my memories and then.. We all shared one that had belonged to Neli. As a child she had gotten her hands on a romantic story with a princess and a knight. When she showed her mother the book it was belittled, in that love is a fallacy and people were meant to be used. That night Neli dreamed of a courtly romance anyway. She was locked away in a tower and her knight was poisoned not to remember her. Her voice through song was able to make the knight remember... and called to valor to rescue princess Neli. When her helmet was removed the knight appeared as a young red haired girl.
My fey pact within me grew strong and I felt compelled to act... to act out against my cage. Though I couldn't escape it I was able to reforge it to my liking... and so I made it seem like home... Our home... Strangely enough after I sent them all from my consciousness some of Neli's energy came to stay in the orb with me... It really did feel like home again.
I felt a pressure caving in on me from several sides, and I perceived minds that were not my own. It had been ages since I'd had any visitors and so I set up tea... The visitor claimed to be Neli and that she'd brought some friends with her. Nick, Cratten and Marx to be specific. She showed me an image of them outside around an orb; so familiar but distant... I was starting to remember about my captivity.
A man named Antonid had come to me one evening looking to talk. The old man was so horribly disfigured, and I felt it might brighten his day. We took a walk through the forests in the beastlands; as it turned out he was a fey. I offered him some 'Neli Beans', and he in turn offered me a quick jab with a cold iron syringe.
Every moment felt like a new death where the body survives but the heart sinks a little bit deeper into oblivion. He calmly explained to me that the syringe had alchemically altered cold iron to stay in a liquid stay with only body heat. Slowly it would make its way through my blood. The world was spinning and my powers were long beyond my grasp.
His story went something on forever in that rambling old guy kind of way... In short he told me that as a member of a certain house in the unseelie court he was bound to their rules. The head of the house having seen him as a political threat obligated him to find union within the seelie court to make the task near impossible, and shaming if he did.
It just so happened that there was a couple within a seelie house that had been in a dishonored state for having mixed heavily into human bloodlines. They agreed to offer their new daughter to make this unholy union in exchange for redemption. My parents. Obviously they changed their minds...
20 years later he had finally found me and was offering me the 'choice' to come live my life with him. I was still waiting for Neli to decide... Decide if we were good together or she even was a relationship kind of person. I would not make my last free act to betray my heart; instead I would wait.
I could barely make out the figures of the large group of people who came to surround me but I felt their magics... until I felt, saw, heard, taste and smelled nothing.
As the picture became clearer Cratten, Marx and Nick were trying to repair my memories while Neli was communicating with me. Mostly we worked through images and a little with sensations.
I knew that she sacrificed everything to try and save me, and I tried... I tried to let her know it would be okay. That I'd fix it. In turn I showed her that I was still thinking about my journal and that I was almost ready to give it to her. From it she knew I still was hoping for our tomorrow. She yelled a quick reply but I couldn't make sense of it... There was such passion in her manner... I think she meant to say yes.
I sent her off to help the others fix my memories and then.. We all shared one that had belonged to Neli. As a child she had gotten her hands on a romantic story with a princess and a knight. When she showed her mother the book it was belittled, in that love is a fallacy and people were meant to be used. That night Neli dreamed of a courtly romance anyway. She was locked away in a tower and her knight was poisoned not to remember her. Her voice through song was able to make the knight remember... and called to valor to rescue princess Neli. When her helmet was removed the knight appeared as a young red haired girl.
My fey pact within me grew strong and I felt compelled to act... to act out against my cage. Though I couldn't escape it I was able to reforge it to my liking... and so I made it seem like home... Our home... Strangely enough after I sent them all from my consciousness some of Neli's energy came to stay in the orb with me... It really did feel like home again.