Comfortable?
=============
A thought plagues me this day, as I wake yet again in my room... I have come to accept it as my room. I have come to accept some things, and it came to my attention rather abruptly the other night.
For example, again, is this room. It is much smaller than the one I am used to... and in this city it is the only place that is, in any way, mine. In the castle, I had... well... the entire place as my own. If I wanted privacy I could just order the guards to wait outside the room. Here, if I want privacy I must actually make an effort to retreat to my room... and the thought had not even occured to me.
I wonder if I am accepting my fate?
No, that is absurd. Yet I still must wait for father's men to find the city, and bring me home... and the waiting is weighing on me... for, what if they do not come? The others... the people here... continue to suggest I learn to defend myself... it is as if they believe I will become in danger that my guardian can not take care of, and thus will... will be the result of unspeakable occurances.
One thing I believe I have come to... somewhat... enjoy, is mingling with the common folk. I know this sounds ridiculous, in that a princess should keep quality, and respectable, company at all times. But I find many of them quite curious... they are quirky, even if their method of speech is akin to nails on a chalk board, and is occasionally difficult to decipher. Still, there is enjoyment in it, something I had not had the opportunity to experience prior to my kidnapping. At first I detested it thoroughly... afterall, these people are common... they are filthy... and this still holds true, some of them I do not appreciate in my vacinity... others, however, I find interesting. Perhaps this is something I would adapt into my routine should I go home. There is a gathering of working class individuals outside my own castle... perhaps I could be a lady of the people... perhaps they would like it.
Father would not approve of this. Nor would his men allow such a thing.
I did have a discussion with a man on my getting home. He spoke oddly, and I had difficulty truly understanding everything he said... something with circles and planes and portals... I did try to follow along, but I found some of it very confusing... untimately, he said that if I wanted to get home I would need to, essentially, find someone that knew how to get there... I felt like his entire lecture was a waste of time. I already know that!
Unfortunately, I have yet to meet anyone that would know where my home is... and I fear I am starting to lose faith.
Lady Rozalin Fiera
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
A Lady's Tears
==============
He said to not cry.... Azrinoth tried to make sure I would not... but I did anyway... As soon as I entered my room I did... and to be honest, I am not sure exactly why. I was a wreck of emotion when we talked... why did he want to talk? Did he intend to see how far he could push me? Perhaps that was his goal. Perhaps he lied.
I hope he lied.
Yet, why would he? If his story of Animus and the Alu-fiend is true... could it? When Azrinoth told me of this I was angry... very angry... more angry than I had ever been before. I could have struck him, repeatedly, but that would not have helped. Nothing really would have... I have come to terms with it... now... sort of... This ridiculous... thing... with Animus... it is foolish on my part... I am just wishing for a storybook situation, and such things do not exist. Such things are placed in stories, but they are just that... they are stories... the young, handsome hero does not swoop in and save the lady, then wisk her off to a happily ever after. Does such a thing ever happen to anyone? Is there such a thing as happily ever after?
Azrinoth said to not lose hope... but... how can I not? Even if I wished it, which is not something I can feel myself doing, a fate like that is not what my life is to be. I am Princess Rozalin Fiera. I am to be wed to a prince of a neighbouring and allied land. I have known this was to be for a long time. I would not marry for such fictitious things as Lo...
I can not even write the word...
Or... perhaps I am just stressed...
==============
He said to not cry.... Azrinoth tried to make sure I would not... but I did anyway... As soon as I entered my room I did... and to be honest, I am not sure exactly why. I was a wreck of emotion when we talked... why did he want to talk? Did he intend to see how far he could push me? Perhaps that was his goal. Perhaps he lied.
I hope he lied.
Yet, why would he? If his story of Animus and the Alu-fiend is true... could it? When Azrinoth told me of this I was angry... very angry... more angry than I had ever been before. I could have struck him, repeatedly, but that would not have helped. Nothing really would have... I have come to terms with it... now... sort of... This ridiculous... thing... with Animus... it is foolish on my part... I am just wishing for a storybook situation, and such things do not exist. Such things are placed in stories, but they are just that... they are stories... the young, handsome hero does not swoop in and save the lady, then wisk her off to a happily ever after. Does such a thing ever happen to anyone? Is there such a thing as happily ever after?
Azrinoth said to not lose hope... but... how can I not? Even if I wished it, which is not something I can feel myself doing, a fate like that is not what my life is to be. I am Princess Rozalin Fiera. I am to be wed to a prince of a neighbouring and allied land. I have known this was to be for a long time. I would not marry for such fictitious things as Lo...
I can not even write the word...
Or... perhaps I am just stressed...
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
BAWK
========
What an absolutely irritating day. It started poorly and merely escalated from there. After having a horrible night being barely able to sleep I decided to purchase and wear a new outfit... it was nothing fancy, rather simple in fact, but the colour... I loved the colour... and putting the dress on seems to be the only thing that went right.
First of all, the moment I arrived in the bazaar I was pestered by the insufferable, and filthy, Tomas, who continually insists in invading my personal space. Perhaps he thinks I enjoy his company... he is sorely mistaken. While being too close to me, and horsing around with Azrinoth, his stick hit me! I can not say for certain if it was on purpose of not... it may have been. I wish I could say that was the worst thing that happened, but it's far from that.
I ordered Azrinoth to remove Tomas from my presense, and he did... roughly, but effectively. This apparently caused some stir in the locals... specifically in a hin. But it was not because of Azrinoth's methods, but instead that Azrinoth actually obeyed my command. Such a thing, of course, this small person could not understand... yet it persisted in mouthing its opinion, constantly suggesting that Azrinoth's reason for helping me was either forced, or due to wishing to couple with me. Both of those are, of course, absurd. Azrinoth chose to be in my service... and he voiced this himself to the half-thing. Still, the short one persisted in insulting both me and Azrinoth, and even Khasef. Despite Khasef's best efforts of making the one of short stature be silent, it continued to speak, and I found myself growing more irate by the second... I tried ignoring it, but that did not work. I attempted to converse with Khasef to drown out the noise, but that also was fruitless. Eventually I was forced to simply throw my hands up and leave the area.
What makes me most concerned is that among the crowd we attracted, it seemed more would support the small one who verbally accosted both me and my guardian. As if he was some sort of hero, and we were in the wrong. I can only imagine the idiots applauded him after our exit... and still, this is not the worst thing that happened.
After sufficient time to let the boiling of my emotion subside I returned to the bazaar... happy to find the small man and his supporters were gone. I then began socializing with miss Sondaal. I was in the midst of conversation when a rock struck Azrinoth. I looked to see Tomas and Azrinoth exchanging words... they do this a lot. Still, I ignored it, I was attempting to elevate my day with pleasant conversation... however I was interrupted again. This time, however, Tomas struck me with a rock. There was no serious damage, however his actions were inexcusable. Honestly, who throws rocks? He said it was justified for his prior treatment. I would disagree, that his transgression far exceeded any harm I may have indirectly caused him... Azrinoth, perhaps, due to the forceful nature of how he removed Tomas... but myself, no. Azrinoth, again, brutishly took the man, this time forcing him to a knee infront of me... another bystandard, some woman who I did not have any interest in becoming aquainted with at the time, asked Tomas to apologize... Perhaps I am wrong, but I felt that would be an empty gesture. If he apologized, he would not be sincere. Tomas did not feel sorry for his actions, he felt just. Even if he was mistaken. Emotions raged, and people argued. Eventually my words rang loudest in a request for Tomas to not bother me... a request that, without doubt, would later be ignored.
You may think, this is a horrible day, and it is much misfortune that I had to experience so much... and should you think so, then I have one thing to say to that... it gets worse.
After the argument subsided Khasef returned. He claimed to have discovered a way to give someone wings, and wished a test subject. Tomas was nominated, and the man gladly accepted himself as a test subject. Khasef cast the incantation and it was successful. Tomas had wings... however, he had wings because he had been turned into a chicken.
You might wonder how this is worse... that part is not.
After a bit of jesting Tomas was returned to his humanoid form by Khasef. Many laughs were had, and Khasef disappeared for "further experimentation." It was shortly after this that he, invisibly, returned, and cast the spell once more... on Azrinoth, Tomas, and myself. Yes, I was a chicken... it was... horrible. I have a hard time explaining how exactly it felt... things were much larger... I could barely move... and could definitely not speak... worst of all, all of my physical body parts were not in their usual place... it felt... wrong. I managed, sort of, to figure how to flap my wings, but that did no good, and walk around.
Azrinoth was the first to return to normal, after attacking Khasef. One would think that this would put an end to the jest, if Azrinoth was willing to attack his friend over it, Khasef should have gotten the hint there.. but he did not. Meanwhile, Chicken-Tomas attacked me! In a flurry of feathers and claws! It was horrible. Tomas was turned back to his humanoid form before I was... and Khasef gave a "Oops, wrong one."
While asking Khasef to return me to normal, Azrinoth picked me up. I felt... so... violated... I do not like being touched, let alone held. No matter how much I struggled Azrinoth did not put me down. Instead he tried to hand me over to Tomas, who wanted to try and return me to normal. I protested, naturally, as best as a chicken could. Azrinoth tried to return me, but it did not work... Tomas attempted to reverse it, but that did not work. Thus, Azrinoth asked Khasef to reverse it. But... Khasef refused! He said he was busy enchanting! As if such a thing took precidence over my misfortune. So, we waited... Azrinoth held onto me, and I did not like it at all. Someone even tried to pet me! While waiting. Eventually Khasef returned and the spell was reversed... eventually.
In retrospect... I think Khasef enjoyed me being in such a fowl mood.
========
What an absolutely irritating day. It started poorly and merely escalated from there. After having a horrible night being barely able to sleep I decided to purchase and wear a new outfit... it was nothing fancy, rather simple in fact, but the colour... I loved the colour... and putting the dress on seems to be the only thing that went right.
First of all, the moment I arrived in the bazaar I was pestered by the insufferable, and filthy, Tomas, who continually insists in invading my personal space. Perhaps he thinks I enjoy his company... he is sorely mistaken. While being too close to me, and horsing around with Azrinoth, his stick hit me! I can not say for certain if it was on purpose of not... it may have been. I wish I could say that was the worst thing that happened, but it's far from that.
I ordered Azrinoth to remove Tomas from my presense, and he did... roughly, but effectively. This apparently caused some stir in the locals... specifically in a hin. But it was not because of Azrinoth's methods, but instead that Azrinoth actually obeyed my command. Such a thing, of course, this small person could not understand... yet it persisted in mouthing its opinion, constantly suggesting that Azrinoth's reason for helping me was either forced, or due to wishing to couple with me. Both of those are, of course, absurd. Azrinoth chose to be in my service... and he voiced this himself to the half-thing. Still, the short one persisted in insulting both me and Azrinoth, and even Khasef. Despite Khasef's best efforts of making the one of short stature be silent, it continued to speak, and I found myself growing more irate by the second... I tried ignoring it, but that did not work. I attempted to converse with Khasef to drown out the noise, but that also was fruitless. Eventually I was forced to simply throw my hands up and leave the area.
What makes me most concerned is that among the crowd we attracted, it seemed more would support the small one who verbally accosted both me and my guardian. As if he was some sort of hero, and we were in the wrong. I can only imagine the idiots applauded him after our exit... and still, this is not the worst thing that happened.
After sufficient time to let the boiling of my emotion subside I returned to the bazaar... happy to find the small man and his supporters were gone. I then began socializing with miss Sondaal. I was in the midst of conversation when a rock struck Azrinoth. I looked to see Tomas and Azrinoth exchanging words... they do this a lot. Still, I ignored it, I was attempting to elevate my day with pleasant conversation... however I was interrupted again. This time, however, Tomas struck me with a rock. There was no serious damage, however his actions were inexcusable. Honestly, who throws rocks? He said it was justified for his prior treatment. I would disagree, that his transgression far exceeded any harm I may have indirectly caused him... Azrinoth, perhaps, due to the forceful nature of how he removed Tomas... but myself, no. Azrinoth, again, brutishly took the man, this time forcing him to a knee infront of me... another bystandard, some woman who I did not have any interest in becoming aquainted with at the time, asked Tomas to apologize... Perhaps I am wrong, but I felt that would be an empty gesture. If he apologized, he would not be sincere. Tomas did not feel sorry for his actions, he felt just. Even if he was mistaken. Emotions raged, and people argued. Eventually my words rang loudest in a request for Tomas to not bother me... a request that, without doubt, would later be ignored.
You may think, this is a horrible day, and it is much misfortune that I had to experience so much... and should you think so, then I have one thing to say to that... it gets worse.
After the argument subsided Khasef returned. He claimed to have discovered a way to give someone wings, and wished a test subject. Tomas was nominated, and the man gladly accepted himself as a test subject. Khasef cast the incantation and it was successful. Tomas had wings... however, he had wings because he had been turned into a chicken.
You might wonder how this is worse... that part is not.
After a bit of jesting Tomas was returned to his humanoid form by Khasef. Many laughs were had, and Khasef disappeared for "further experimentation." It was shortly after this that he, invisibly, returned, and cast the spell once more... on Azrinoth, Tomas, and myself. Yes, I was a chicken... it was... horrible. I have a hard time explaining how exactly it felt... things were much larger... I could barely move... and could definitely not speak... worst of all, all of my physical body parts were not in their usual place... it felt... wrong. I managed, sort of, to figure how to flap my wings, but that did no good, and walk around.
Azrinoth was the first to return to normal, after attacking Khasef. One would think that this would put an end to the jest, if Azrinoth was willing to attack his friend over it, Khasef should have gotten the hint there.. but he did not. Meanwhile, Chicken-Tomas attacked me! In a flurry of feathers and claws! It was horrible. Tomas was turned back to his humanoid form before I was... and Khasef gave a "Oops, wrong one."
While asking Khasef to return me to normal, Azrinoth picked me up. I felt... so... violated... I do not like being touched, let alone held. No matter how much I struggled Azrinoth did not put me down. Instead he tried to hand me over to Tomas, who wanted to try and return me to normal. I protested, naturally, as best as a chicken could. Azrinoth tried to return me, but it did not work... Tomas attempted to reverse it, but that did not work. Thus, Azrinoth asked Khasef to reverse it. But... Khasef refused! He said he was busy enchanting! As if such a thing took precidence over my misfortune. So, we waited... Azrinoth held onto me, and I did not like it at all. Someone even tried to pet me! While waiting. Eventually Khasef returned and the spell was reversed... eventually.
In retrospect... I think Khasef enjoyed me being in such a fowl mood.
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Envy
========
"Is something wrong?" they'd ask. Perhaps they are right to inquire. Perhaps something is wrong. Something weighs on me since my emotional breakdown and my talk with Azrinoth, and it became very apparent earlier this day.
My day was much better than yesterday, which does not say all that much. I was flustered at someone indirectly calling me useless. This irritated me, naturally, but it is not what bothers me. To distract from the incident, Andrew, an aquantance of mine, offered to show me how he goes about enchanting a weapon. I was intrigued by this, and followed along. Others followed, naturally. One late comer was some horned lady with dark hair... I can not remember her name. She is Andrew's companion... or significant other... possibly wife, I do not know if they are wed... it hardly matters to be factual.
When she arrived, Andrew's mood instantly elevated, she made him happy. Their constant flirtatious behavior and displays of affection irritated me... but not in a typical fashion. I was not mad at them, so to speak. I was simply... upset. It was a peculiar moment... I do not feel attraction for Andrew, and yet watching him with his woman friend... it made me long for something like that. Again, I feel the need to point out not with Andrew... just... with someone. I want to feel what they feel when they are together. I could not help but wish for someone to be so happy around me... and to have my life so intertwined with their own.
Will I ever experience such things?
========
"Is something wrong?" they'd ask. Perhaps they are right to inquire. Perhaps something is wrong. Something weighs on me since my emotional breakdown and my talk with Azrinoth, and it became very apparent earlier this day.
My day was much better than yesterday, which does not say all that much. I was flustered at someone indirectly calling me useless. This irritated me, naturally, but it is not what bothers me. To distract from the incident, Andrew, an aquantance of mine, offered to show me how he goes about enchanting a weapon. I was intrigued by this, and followed along. Others followed, naturally. One late comer was some horned lady with dark hair... I can not remember her name. She is Andrew's companion... or significant other... possibly wife, I do not know if they are wed... it hardly matters to be factual.
When she arrived, Andrew's mood instantly elevated, she made him happy. Their constant flirtatious behavior and displays of affection irritated me... but not in a typical fashion. I was not mad at them, so to speak. I was simply... upset. It was a peculiar moment... I do not feel attraction for Andrew, and yet watching him with his woman friend... it made me long for something like that. Again, I feel the need to point out not with Andrew... just... with someone. I want to feel what they feel when they are together. I could not help but wish for someone to be so happy around me... and to have my life so intertwined with their own.
Will I ever experience such things?
-
*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Alone
========
There are two halflings, and a dwarf speaking on the other side of the short wall that surrounds Khazeet's. As well, a pair of Harmonium stand against the wall, they, also, are speaking. I am not so much eavesdropping on them as making an observation.
None of them have taken note of me.
I am just a lone woman, sitting in a chair, with a book and drink. I am noone of significance right now... I wonder if this is how common people feel all the time? Invisible.
Azrinoth has wandered off on my request.
Animus, I have not seen in days.
Tomas is not bothering me.
Khasef is not turning me into a chicken.
Right now, I sit alone, which is something I thought I longed for. The seclusion of my life in the castle was akin to this... yet I could never hear others speaking when I was alone before. And now that I have tasted the sweet wine of un-forced social interaction...
... is this what it feels to be, truly, alone?
========
There are two halflings, and a dwarf speaking on the other side of the short wall that surrounds Khazeet's. As well, a pair of Harmonium stand against the wall, they, also, are speaking. I am not so much eavesdropping on them as making an observation.
None of them have taken note of me.
I am just a lone woman, sitting in a chair, with a book and drink. I am noone of significance right now... I wonder if this is how common people feel all the time? Invisible.
Azrinoth has wandered off on my request.
Animus, I have not seen in days.
Tomas is not bothering me.
Khasef is not turning me into a chicken.
Right now, I sit alone, which is something I thought I longed for. The seclusion of my life in the castle was akin to this... yet I could never hear others speaking when I was alone before. And now that I have tasted the sweet wine of un-forced social interaction...
... is this what it feels to be, truly, alone?
-
*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Hands
========
I feel such a fool.
I am starting to think I should just not listen to anything Azrinoth says when it comes to the topic of Animus... or anything, for that matter. Azrinoth proved to be incorrect about Animus, yet again. I am very relieved to have spoke with Animus in private... very relieved.
Without going into too much detail, the story Azrinoth told me of Animus and his apparent corruption was false. There was a story behind it, and the rumor may have not been Azrinoth's fault for believing. I was reluctant to confront Animus about it, at first. I constanty second-guessed whether to ask about it, but in post-thought it is good that I did. With the air cleared about Animus, I was relieved. He speaks of love, a lot... it has something to do with this Sune goddess he mentions. While speaking, he said that he loved all his friends... myself included. This caused my heart to skip a bit, and I could feel myself losing my composure, fast.
Animus noticed this... he noticed my words, my gestures, the redness in my face. I felt discomfort... part of me wanted to run away, it was tempting. I do not know how fast Animus is, and I am not certain how far I could make it in my dress, but... I wanted to... I weighed that option, heavily.
Then he asked if I was interested in him.
I felt exposed... I could not move, for a moment. My mind went blank, and yet raced with responses all at the same time. I must have looked so silly. I know what came from my mouth was hardly eloquent or even sensible for the most part. Broken phrases, parts of thoughts, second guesses. I was... flustered... I had not prepared for this... Quite honestly, I had actually been hoping this business would pass by un-noticed and I would not have this conversation.
But... I am glad it happened.
Somewhere in my ramblings he must have deciphered a confession of some sorts. I honestly can not remember what I said. He removed his gloves and held out his hand, offering me to put mine in his. This gesture went against so many things. I could think of dozens of reasons to not give in to this. I am a princess, for one. He is not even knighted... dare I say he is a commoner, all things considered. This also does not take into account that I find discomfort in the touch of another person, normally. Dare I say, I normally detest the idea. Even feeling someone's hand on my covered shoulder normally irritates me. I know this may sound odd, but... I am just used to not having physical contact. With the exception of the day wherein I nearly died from an adventure, and ended up both hugging Animus, and grabbing Azrinoth by the shoulders... that was an extreme case... perhaps this was too.
Animus was patient... he could tell it was difficult for me. Despite all arguments telling me to, again, just make a run for it, I reached out and touched his fingertips. I felt a shiver in my spine. My face must have been some extreme colour of red, I imagine... I may have even made Khazeet look pale in comparison I fear. After a bit I let my whole hand into his, and he held it gently. I could feel light headed, at first. The desire to flee was still strong, but it eventually subsided. Eventually I became more... comfortable.
I think I liked it...
========
I feel such a fool.
I am starting to think I should just not listen to anything Azrinoth says when it comes to the topic of Animus... or anything, for that matter. Azrinoth proved to be incorrect about Animus, yet again. I am very relieved to have spoke with Animus in private... very relieved.
Without going into too much detail, the story Azrinoth told me of Animus and his apparent corruption was false. There was a story behind it, and the rumor may have not been Azrinoth's fault for believing. I was reluctant to confront Animus about it, at first. I constanty second-guessed whether to ask about it, but in post-thought it is good that I did. With the air cleared about Animus, I was relieved. He speaks of love, a lot... it has something to do with this Sune goddess he mentions. While speaking, he said that he loved all his friends... myself included. This caused my heart to skip a bit, and I could feel myself losing my composure, fast.
Animus noticed this... he noticed my words, my gestures, the redness in my face. I felt discomfort... part of me wanted to run away, it was tempting. I do not know how fast Animus is, and I am not certain how far I could make it in my dress, but... I wanted to... I weighed that option, heavily.
Then he asked if I was interested in him.
I felt exposed... I could not move, for a moment. My mind went blank, and yet raced with responses all at the same time. I must have looked so silly. I know what came from my mouth was hardly eloquent or even sensible for the most part. Broken phrases, parts of thoughts, second guesses. I was... flustered... I had not prepared for this... Quite honestly, I had actually been hoping this business would pass by un-noticed and I would not have this conversation.
But... I am glad it happened.
Somewhere in my ramblings he must have deciphered a confession of some sorts. I honestly can not remember what I said. He removed his gloves and held out his hand, offering me to put mine in his. This gesture went against so many things. I could think of dozens of reasons to not give in to this. I am a princess, for one. He is not even knighted... dare I say he is a commoner, all things considered. This also does not take into account that I find discomfort in the touch of another person, normally. Dare I say, I normally detest the idea. Even feeling someone's hand on my covered shoulder normally irritates me. I know this may sound odd, but... I am just used to not having physical contact. With the exception of the day wherein I nearly died from an adventure, and ended up both hugging Animus, and grabbing Azrinoth by the shoulders... that was an extreme case... perhaps this was too.
Animus was patient... he could tell it was difficult for me. Despite all arguments telling me to, again, just make a run for it, I reached out and touched his fingertips. I felt a shiver in my spine. My face must have been some extreme colour of red, I imagine... I may have even made Khazeet look pale in comparison I fear. After a bit I let my whole hand into his, and he held it gently. I could feel light headed, at first. The desire to flee was still strong, but it eventually subsided. Eventually I became more... comfortable.
I think I liked it...
-
*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
My Dress, My Room, My Bed, My Mood, My Day
===================================
I am back in my old room... four walls and a bed... This is temporary, I will return to my other room once it is in better condition...
I was having a good day. I really was. But, I could not sleep, I was too... too... happy I guess... is that the emotion that Animus leaves me with? Perhaps... while it may sound poetic, I felt afloat. I could not stop smiling. I was convinced that nothing could spoil my mood... but, I could not sleep. I wished to see if anyone was about who I could speak with about my experience... it was a curious feeling... the need to share.
In retrospect, I probably should have just went to sleep. Instead I went to the bazaar. I found Andrew, who was in a rather foul mood from some event with some elven lady... I do not know the whole story, I did not want to press the issue. I was still feeling very good.
But, Azrinoth showed up. He was filthy... covered in blood. As was Khasif, who showed up later. Khasif appeared to be crazier than normal... I did not know why. Azrinoth was barely holding together... I think he may have been crying, in fact. There was something about a girl... I could not make sense of it with their rambling and bumbling. Azrinoth disappeared for a moment, then returned... apparently his trip to, and from, wherever had drained what little was left of his energy.
A man, Nicholas, started over to help Azrinoth, who was lying on the ground. I did not want to sully my mood, but I could not just let Azrinoth lie there... nor would it be right of me to make someone else help him in this condition when I was around... sure, I could not help carry him... but, I had a room. I did not consider, at the time, the mess this would make. I led them to my room... Khasef followed. Nicholas set Azrinoth on my bed, he appeared barely alive. I was concerned... mostly for Azrinoth's life, and not so much for the filth of my bed, at the time.
After Nicholas had helped some, Khasef, who as mentioned was also tracking filth and stink through my room, insisted that I stay the night by Azrinoth's side. Of course, there is only one actual bed, so I was forced to take the chair... this was horribly uncomfortable by the time I actually set down to try and sleep.
I do not know what Khasef was doing in the other half of the room... and to be quite frank, I did not want to know. Azrinoth stirred a bit, at first. Eventually he returned to a weakened but conscious state and he spoke. A part of me was irritated by the intrusion, I will admit. I had nowhere comfortable to sleep, and Khasef had me confined as he worked on something that sounded dangerously wrong... but, I dared not look. I would lie if I said that I wasn't glad to help, though I would not admit it. In our discussions, Azrinoth grabbed my dress, letting his filth rub off on the clothing article. I did my best to not freak out over it, and I think I did alright all things considered... though I fear it is stained... such a shame, I really liked that dress.
Azrinoth continues to obsess over my... relation... with Animus. Even in his weakened state, the boy was clearly self-depricating, and he made comments of my not needing his service if I had Animus. The boy does not seem to see the clear and precise line between my association with him, and my... my... whatever it is that I have with Animus. They are two very different things.
I do not understand Azrinoth. At times, it seems he is trying to push Animus away from me, or push me from Animus... and, yet, at other times he appears to back away entirely as if my being close to Animus suggests no need for a guardian... I do not know how many times I must repeat it... Animus is not my guardian. He is my... something else entirely. I do not see why I can not just have both? Yet Azrinoth feels challenged by Animus... I do hope he doesn't feel so extremely forever... I would hate for things to get worse... and for one of them to force me to choose... I... I would not know how to approach that... it would be unfair.
Suffice to say, Azrinoth and Khasef succeeded, even if it was not their intention, and bringing my day down. I was still feeling good... especially when I would look at my hand, or think of Animus holding it... So my entire day was not ruined, in actuality. I was not as elated, at the moment, but... it did pass, eventually.
Clothes will be cleaned or replaced. The room will be tidied, sheets exchanged... possibly mattress as well. Other things can be scrubbed, though that is much work, and I have not even begun to find a way to approach these things.
I managed some sleep, on the chair. Not much, and not very refreshing. I woke feeling very sore, and incredibly grumpy. I did not even have time to check my appearance in the mirror. I got up and grabbed a change of clothing and headed down to Muriel to ask to have temporary use of my old room because of Azrinoth. She agreed... of course, it cost, but such is life. I used the room to change before heading off to the abhorable public bath again... I still despise it, such a thing is unacceptable. I do hope my upgraded room will be repaired soon so I do not have to keep this up. Once somewhat clean and tidied I put on a cleaner dress, then headed to the bazaar... and once in a chair, I started to doze off... I was exhausted.
Khasef, who seemed more sane... relatively, I mean... approached me and attempted to explain the prior day. There was a situation with a girl, who had some sort of demon in her... Azrinoth and Khasef... and possibly others, went through a portal to... I don't know, save her I guess... from my understanding they did not succeed, but instead somehow survived by capturing the demon inside Khasef... somehow, he ate it... I do not know how literal that statement is supposed to be. What Khasef had done the prior night was work a ceremony to remove the monster, and place it into some other object... a stone of some sort... again, I am not clear on all the details, it is very convoluted. It was an interesting story, even if it was hard to follow along with Khasef's constant "Indeed, no?"
Azrinoth, clearly, must be blaming himself over the situation. I believe he is being too harsh on himself... it's curious, Animus has done the same regarding things that had happened as well... I wonder if all men blame themselves for things that are not within their control? At any rate, I have to talk to Azrinoth when I see him next. Things need to be clearer about the situation with Animus.
After talking with Khasef I returned to the lesser of my two rooms and utilized the bed there... it was as hard as I remembered it... but I do not recall ever being so tired before... I slept quite well after... though, I am still sore.
===================================
I am back in my old room... four walls and a bed... This is temporary, I will return to my other room once it is in better condition...
I was having a good day. I really was. But, I could not sleep, I was too... too... happy I guess... is that the emotion that Animus leaves me with? Perhaps... while it may sound poetic, I felt afloat. I could not stop smiling. I was convinced that nothing could spoil my mood... but, I could not sleep. I wished to see if anyone was about who I could speak with about my experience... it was a curious feeling... the need to share.
In retrospect, I probably should have just went to sleep. Instead I went to the bazaar. I found Andrew, who was in a rather foul mood from some event with some elven lady... I do not know the whole story, I did not want to press the issue. I was still feeling very good.
But, Azrinoth showed up. He was filthy... covered in blood. As was Khasif, who showed up later. Khasif appeared to be crazier than normal... I did not know why. Azrinoth was barely holding together... I think he may have been crying, in fact. There was something about a girl... I could not make sense of it with their rambling and bumbling. Azrinoth disappeared for a moment, then returned... apparently his trip to, and from, wherever had drained what little was left of his energy.
A man, Nicholas, started over to help Azrinoth, who was lying on the ground. I did not want to sully my mood, but I could not just let Azrinoth lie there... nor would it be right of me to make someone else help him in this condition when I was around... sure, I could not help carry him... but, I had a room. I did not consider, at the time, the mess this would make. I led them to my room... Khasef followed. Nicholas set Azrinoth on my bed, he appeared barely alive. I was concerned... mostly for Azrinoth's life, and not so much for the filth of my bed, at the time.
After Nicholas had helped some, Khasef, who as mentioned was also tracking filth and stink through my room, insisted that I stay the night by Azrinoth's side. Of course, there is only one actual bed, so I was forced to take the chair... this was horribly uncomfortable by the time I actually set down to try and sleep.
I do not know what Khasef was doing in the other half of the room... and to be quite frank, I did not want to know. Azrinoth stirred a bit, at first. Eventually he returned to a weakened but conscious state and he spoke. A part of me was irritated by the intrusion, I will admit. I had nowhere comfortable to sleep, and Khasef had me confined as he worked on something that sounded dangerously wrong... but, I dared not look. I would lie if I said that I wasn't glad to help, though I would not admit it. In our discussions, Azrinoth grabbed my dress, letting his filth rub off on the clothing article. I did my best to not freak out over it, and I think I did alright all things considered... though I fear it is stained... such a shame, I really liked that dress.
Azrinoth continues to obsess over my... relation... with Animus. Even in his weakened state, the boy was clearly self-depricating, and he made comments of my not needing his service if I had Animus. The boy does not seem to see the clear and precise line between my association with him, and my... my... whatever it is that I have with Animus. They are two very different things.
I do not understand Azrinoth. At times, it seems he is trying to push Animus away from me, or push me from Animus... and, yet, at other times he appears to back away entirely as if my being close to Animus suggests no need for a guardian... I do not know how many times I must repeat it... Animus is not my guardian. He is my... something else entirely. I do not see why I can not just have both? Yet Azrinoth feels challenged by Animus... I do hope he doesn't feel so extremely forever... I would hate for things to get worse... and for one of them to force me to choose... I... I would not know how to approach that... it would be unfair.
Suffice to say, Azrinoth and Khasef succeeded, even if it was not their intention, and bringing my day down. I was still feeling good... especially when I would look at my hand, or think of Animus holding it... So my entire day was not ruined, in actuality. I was not as elated, at the moment, but... it did pass, eventually.
Clothes will be cleaned or replaced. The room will be tidied, sheets exchanged... possibly mattress as well. Other things can be scrubbed, though that is much work, and I have not even begun to find a way to approach these things.
I managed some sleep, on the chair. Not much, and not very refreshing. I woke feeling very sore, and incredibly grumpy. I did not even have time to check my appearance in the mirror. I got up and grabbed a change of clothing and headed down to Muriel to ask to have temporary use of my old room because of Azrinoth. She agreed... of course, it cost, but such is life. I used the room to change before heading off to the abhorable public bath again... I still despise it, such a thing is unacceptable. I do hope my upgraded room will be repaired soon so I do not have to keep this up. Once somewhat clean and tidied I put on a cleaner dress, then headed to the bazaar... and once in a chair, I started to doze off... I was exhausted.
Khasef, who seemed more sane... relatively, I mean... approached me and attempted to explain the prior day. There was a situation with a girl, who had some sort of demon in her... Azrinoth and Khasef... and possibly others, went through a portal to... I don't know, save her I guess... from my understanding they did not succeed, but instead somehow survived by capturing the demon inside Khasef... somehow, he ate it... I do not know how literal that statement is supposed to be. What Khasef had done the prior night was work a ceremony to remove the monster, and place it into some other object... a stone of some sort... again, I am not clear on all the details, it is very convoluted. It was an interesting story, even if it was hard to follow along with Khasef's constant "Indeed, no?"
Azrinoth, clearly, must be blaming himself over the situation. I believe he is being too harsh on himself... it's curious, Animus has done the same regarding things that had happened as well... I wonder if all men blame themselves for things that are not within their control? At any rate, I have to talk to Azrinoth when I see him next. Things need to be clearer about the situation with Animus.
After talking with Khasef I returned to the lesser of my two rooms and utilized the bed there... it was as hard as I remembered it... but I do not recall ever being so tired before... I slept quite well after... though, I am still sore.
-
*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Making My Own Fate
=================
I spent some time in the hall of records, again. I am finding the place to be very interesting. It is, in its most basic sense, a mass of books. Endless knowledge to be had by simply spending an afternoon with my nose in a book... it is like some kind of heaven, I think. They have entire shelves of books on any subject. ANY subject.
For example, today, I read up on the goddess Sune, the one Animus follows. I found it interesting, and wanted to know more about this goddess from a neutral prespective. I found it quite informative... she is a goddess of love, beauty, and passion... she is commonly mistaken for a goddess of lust and raw desire, but these are supposed misinterperetations of her portfolio by mortals who misunderstand what it is truly to love, or feel passion. That statement, alone, while copied from the book I have near me, I find most informative... and actually a bit concerning.
What is love?
How does one define it, I wonder? Animus once said to me that all love is the same... the love between a father and daughter, between friends, between lovers... it is the same, but it is a matter of what you do with it that defines the relationship. Still, that does not explain what it is... it is an emotion, of that I am clear. But I wonder if it is what drives me home... if it is what drives me to Animus... is it a love? I will think on this more...
That aside, I also found many books and documents on the nature of planar travel. This appears to be a very popular subject... and one most convoluted. The portals, alone, in Sigil, are perplexing enough, as they are constantly changing... different keys, different locations, different destinations. One book does suggest an interesting commonality among the portal's keys... a theme. For example, there is a place, known as the plane of ice... the key, from what I have read in most recent documents, is a coldstone. Thus, the portal to go to a place of ice, is an object what represents ice. Similarly, to get to the place known as the grey wastes, one needs an obsidian... a black stone. Again, similar themes between destination and key. This makes me wonder, now... if I can not find someone that knows how to get home, I could possibly figure out the key based on what I know of home.
Unfortunately, keys do not have to be physical objects... they can be sounds. They can be a series of actions... they can even be a combination therein. This makes the idea of trial and error to be most likely a fruitless and wasted effort. Even narrowing the possibility down does not make it any less than a massive obstacle. This, also, does not take into account that the portal in which I arrived in may not be where it was... in fact, it may not exist at all. This thought both intrigues and disheartens me. My curiosity in the portals is rather piqued, but my hopes for going home are being dwindled away... but I mustn't lose heart.
I have borrowed a few armsfull of books, thus far... I have also become aquainted with a few of the normal faces in the hall of records... and today I happened upon an interesting discussion. It was a man explaining something of one of the factions to some other new faces to the city. I shamelessly eavesdropped on his information. The Fated, who have the unfortunate nicknames of Takers and Heartless, are a people who believe in... well... taking. If you want something, you should take it. This is a most appealing philosiphy. I found the man's words a bit invigorating to be honest. The term, heartless, was not appealing... but the concepts behind this faction have brought me interest. It is not solely about taking things... taking money... taking objects... even taking power... it is about going and getting the things you want... these can include things like friends, respect, happines... perhaps even love.
Existance is not about moping over the results of actions that have passed. This is something I can now agree with. While I have spent my time in Sigil worried about trying to find a way home, I know I have given up on waiting for someone to save me from my fate... no, I have actually attempted to take my fate into my own hands... my fate in Sigil, I am searching for a way home... my fate with Animus... well... we shall see. Without knowing their philosiphy, I think I had already begun living it. Hearing the words brought back my hope of getting home... I will start on this right away. Dare I say, this excites me.
I am not considering joining this faction, despite what the previous paragraphs may suggest. The examinations and prerequisites to joining dissuade me, and I am far too busy with things to, simply, sign up and try. There are negative aspects of the faction as well... I simply find aspects of their philosiphy to be inspirational.
... as well, I am now, for a while, assisting in the sorting of the returned books in the hall... it is a source of some income in the case of having to spend time here. Yes, the lady Rozalin has become a librarian... but, it is only temporary until I can get home.
=================
I spent some time in the hall of records, again. I am finding the place to be very interesting. It is, in its most basic sense, a mass of books. Endless knowledge to be had by simply spending an afternoon with my nose in a book... it is like some kind of heaven, I think. They have entire shelves of books on any subject. ANY subject.
For example, today, I read up on the goddess Sune, the one Animus follows. I found it interesting, and wanted to know more about this goddess from a neutral prespective. I found it quite informative... she is a goddess of love, beauty, and passion... she is commonly mistaken for a goddess of lust and raw desire, but these are supposed misinterperetations of her portfolio by mortals who misunderstand what it is truly to love, or feel passion. That statement, alone, while copied from the book I have near me, I find most informative... and actually a bit concerning.
What is love?
How does one define it, I wonder? Animus once said to me that all love is the same... the love between a father and daughter, between friends, between lovers... it is the same, but it is a matter of what you do with it that defines the relationship. Still, that does not explain what it is... it is an emotion, of that I am clear. But I wonder if it is what drives me home... if it is what drives me to Animus... is it a love? I will think on this more...
That aside, I also found many books and documents on the nature of planar travel. This appears to be a very popular subject... and one most convoluted. The portals, alone, in Sigil, are perplexing enough, as they are constantly changing... different keys, different locations, different destinations. One book does suggest an interesting commonality among the portal's keys... a theme. For example, there is a place, known as the plane of ice... the key, from what I have read in most recent documents, is a coldstone. Thus, the portal to go to a place of ice, is an object what represents ice. Similarly, to get to the place known as the grey wastes, one needs an obsidian... a black stone. Again, similar themes between destination and key. This makes me wonder, now... if I can not find someone that knows how to get home, I could possibly figure out the key based on what I know of home.
Unfortunately, keys do not have to be physical objects... they can be sounds. They can be a series of actions... they can even be a combination therein. This makes the idea of trial and error to be most likely a fruitless and wasted effort. Even narrowing the possibility down does not make it any less than a massive obstacle. This, also, does not take into account that the portal in which I arrived in may not be where it was... in fact, it may not exist at all. This thought both intrigues and disheartens me. My curiosity in the portals is rather piqued, but my hopes for going home are being dwindled away... but I mustn't lose heart.
I have borrowed a few armsfull of books, thus far... I have also become aquainted with a few of the normal faces in the hall of records... and today I happened upon an interesting discussion. It was a man explaining something of one of the factions to some other new faces to the city. I shamelessly eavesdropped on his information. The Fated, who have the unfortunate nicknames of Takers and Heartless, are a people who believe in... well... taking. If you want something, you should take it. This is a most appealing philosiphy. I found the man's words a bit invigorating to be honest. The term, heartless, was not appealing... but the concepts behind this faction have brought me interest. It is not solely about taking things... taking money... taking objects... even taking power... it is about going and getting the things you want... these can include things like friends, respect, happines... perhaps even love.
Existance is not about moping over the results of actions that have passed. This is something I can now agree with. While I have spent my time in Sigil worried about trying to find a way home, I know I have given up on waiting for someone to save me from my fate... no, I have actually attempted to take my fate into my own hands... my fate in Sigil, I am searching for a way home... my fate with Animus... well... we shall see. Without knowing their philosiphy, I think I had already begun living it. Hearing the words brought back my hope of getting home... I will start on this right away. Dare I say, this excites me.
I am not considering joining this faction, despite what the previous paragraphs may suggest. The examinations and prerequisites to joining dissuade me, and I am far too busy with things to, simply, sign up and try. There are negative aspects of the faction as well... I simply find aspects of their philosiphy to be inspirational.
... as well, I am now, for a while, assisting in the sorting of the returned books in the hall... it is a source of some income in the case of having to spend time here. Yes, the lady Rozalin has become a librarian... but, it is only temporary until I can get home.
-
*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Trial and Error
=============
This is an infuriating process. For starters, I can not be certain that I am even in the right place, as the portal may have moved. But, it is a starting place. When I arrived in Sigil, I was bound. But the bindings came free when I was tossed into the portal, and I found myself atop this building in the bazaar. I hope the portal home is here, or somewhere close by.
I have gathered a few things I had on my person when I arrived... jewelery and clothing, really. As well as some other objects I thought might be worth trying. It was all to no avail, however. My portal home did not open. It is frustrating to go through all of one's ideas and having them all be proved fruitless. There is one piece of jewelry I do not have on my person... the necklace I gave to Muriel in payment for upgrading my room. Perhaps that is my key... I will have to negotiate with her.
So, I sit and ponder... and I have to say, the view is quite nice. It is easy to ignore just how busy a city of this size actually is when you are down among it all. I barely look to the other wards anymore... looking up, to see the other side of the city, makes me dizzy. But, it is a very busy place... and that is something that is usually taken for granted... they look like insects, buzzing about.
I played messenger the other day... not intentionally. Someone who claimed to be friends with Animus was asking about him, and asked that I pass on a greeting... another person had a message for Azrinoth, and another had one for Khasef. I do not know why all of these messages came my way in such rapid succession... coincidence, I would hope.
In delivering these messages I did manage to speak with Azrinoth briefly. He seemed... foul. I fear our conversations while he was barely alive may have been misunderstood... else he is still unclear on my intentions with him. I have asked, when he has time, that we speak... this is not something I should have to ask, but I feel that I should not force such things at this time... we will speak when he is ready. I am relieved that he is up and walking now.
On that note, I still have much work to do in returning my room to a livable state. The mattress is destroyed and has to be replaced... As must all of the pillows and blankets... I suppose this is a blessing in a sense. Muriel has allowed me to take care of this myself... more, demanded it actually... but this means my things, in this room, will me my things. They will not be used. It means I will have to spend more time in the small room, unfortunately, which is leaving me sore in the mornings again... not as much as sleeping in the chair though.
I think on Animus now, while I look at where I think my portal home might be. I do not know how to qualify my relations with the paladin... is there a word that describes what we are? Are we even anything? Am I living in a fantasy in thinking that this could develop somewhere? I am reminded of what Azrinoth had said once... even if things with Animus, while here, do go... places... what will happen when I go home? Will I even be allowed to leave the castle to see the people I have met? If I get the portal open will I be forced to chose between Animus and my old life?
I do not know... It bothers me.
=============
This is an infuriating process. For starters, I can not be certain that I am even in the right place, as the portal may have moved. But, it is a starting place. When I arrived in Sigil, I was bound. But the bindings came free when I was tossed into the portal, and I found myself atop this building in the bazaar. I hope the portal home is here, or somewhere close by.
I have gathered a few things I had on my person when I arrived... jewelery and clothing, really. As well as some other objects I thought might be worth trying. It was all to no avail, however. My portal home did not open. It is frustrating to go through all of one's ideas and having them all be proved fruitless. There is one piece of jewelry I do not have on my person... the necklace I gave to Muriel in payment for upgrading my room. Perhaps that is my key... I will have to negotiate with her.
So, I sit and ponder... and I have to say, the view is quite nice. It is easy to ignore just how busy a city of this size actually is when you are down among it all. I barely look to the other wards anymore... looking up, to see the other side of the city, makes me dizzy. But, it is a very busy place... and that is something that is usually taken for granted... they look like insects, buzzing about.
I played messenger the other day... not intentionally. Someone who claimed to be friends with Animus was asking about him, and asked that I pass on a greeting... another person had a message for Azrinoth, and another had one for Khasef. I do not know why all of these messages came my way in such rapid succession... coincidence, I would hope.
In delivering these messages I did manage to speak with Azrinoth briefly. He seemed... foul. I fear our conversations while he was barely alive may have been misunderstood... else he is still unclear on my intentions with him. I have asked, when he has time, that we speak... this is not something I should have to ask, but I feel that I should not force such things at this time... we will speak when he is ready. I am relieved that he is up and walking now.
On that note, I still have much work to do in returning my room to a livable state. The mattress is destroyed and has to be replaced... As must all of the pillows and blankets... I suppose this is a blessing in a sense. Muriel has allowed me to take care of this myself... more, demanded it actually... but this means my things, in this room, will me my things. They will not be used. It means I will have to spend more time in the small room, unfortunately, which is leaving me sore in the mornings again... not as much as sleeping in the chair though.
I think on Animus now, while I look at where I think my portal home might be. I do not know how to qualify my relations with the paladin... is there a word that describes what we are? Are we even anything? Am I living in a fantasy in thinking that this could develop somewhere? I am reminded of what Azrinoth had said once... even if things with Animus, while here, do go... places... what will happen when I go home? Will I even be allowed to leave the castle to see the people I have met? If I get the portal open will I be forced to chose between Animus and my old life?
I do not know... It bothers me.
-
*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Heavy Armor
=============
Animus, in a moment of concern gave me a heavy set of colourful armor. I did not wish to cause him more concern for my well being, and reluctantly agreed to put it on. We went to the festhall and I got it fitted... it's uncomfortable, but I'll get used to...
... Oh, forget the armor. We kissed!
It is late, I should be resting, but I just do not care! I don't think I remember a time feeling so... energized! I am tired, it is true. Yet, I feel like I could stay awake endlessly, or run around the city for no real reason.
I had tried on the armor and we were standing, talking about... something... I can't really remember what... I know I kept thinking of the Fated philosiphy... if you want something, you have to go get it. And, in that moment, I wanted to kiss him. I was very nervous, moreso than the time we first held hands... I am glad he did not laugh at me for being so awkward about it. I was not certain how to approach it, and thus actually asked him for permission. Was that wrong to do? I know I felt so very silly doing it, but... I did not know if he wanted me to, and I would not want to make him uncomfortable... but when I asked, he said yes!
I was still nervous through most of it. I did not know what I was doing... and to be quite honest I am not sure I know, now, what happened... in fact I can't remember much of the specifics... aside from two things. Firstly, my chest felt as if it would explode. My heart was racing incredibly fast... so fast that I am actually surprised it did not cause any actual damage. My entire body felt like it was thumping to the beat of my heart, and I hope this did not translate into something very awkward with Animus. The second thing that I remember is... tenderlips. The word stuck in my brain while feeling Animus in such close proximity. In fact, the nickname had stuck with me ever since Khasef used the name to describe Animus... I can, now, confidently say that it is an accurate nickname.
I do not know how long we were there, caught in our embrace. The members of the Society of Sensation hardly seemed to pay us any mind as they walked by... at least, I don't think they did... none tried to interrupt us... I wasn't paying attention to much of our surroundings at the time, in truth.
... anyway, I have armor, now. It is heavy and uncomfortable. I will not wear it, normally, unless I have some reason to. But, should I need it, it will keep me safe... hopefully.
=============
Animus, in a moment of concern gave me a heavy set of colourful armor. I did not wish to cause him more concern for my well being, and reluctantly agreed to put it on. We went to the festhall and I got it fitted... it's uncomfortable, but I'll get used to...
... Oh, forget the armor. We kissed!
It is late, I should be resting, but I just do not care! I don't think I remember a time feeling so... energized! I am tired, it is true. Yet, I feel like I could stay awake endlessly, or run around the city for no real reason.
I had tried on the armor and we were standing, talking about... something... I can't really remember what... I know I kept thinking of the Fated philosiphy... if you want something, you have to go get it. And, in that moment, I wanted to kiss him. I was very nervous, moreso than the time we first held hands... I am glad he did not laugh at me for being so awkward about it. I was not certain how to approach it, and thus actually asked him for permission. Was that wrong to do? I know I felt so very silly doing it, but... I did not know if he wanted me to, and I would not want to make him uncomfortable... but when I asked, he said yes!
I was still nervous through most of it. I did not know what I was doing... and to be quite honest I am not sure I know, now, what happened... in fact I can't remember much of the specifics... aside from two things. Firstly, my chest felt as if it would explode. My heart was racing incredibly fast... so fast that I am actually surprised it did not cause any actual damage. My entire body felt like it was thumping to the beat of my heart, and I hope this did not translate into something very awkward with Animus. The second thing that I remember is... tenderlips. The word stuck in my brain while feeling Animus in such close proximity. In fact, the nickname had stuck with me ever since Khasef used the name to describe Animus... I can, now, confidently say that it is an accurate nickname.
I do not know how long we were there, caught in our embrace. The members of the Society of Sensation hardly seemed to pay us any mind as they walked by... at least, I don't think they did... none tried to interrupt us... I wasn't paying attention to much of our surroundings at the time, in truth.
... anyway, I have armor, now. It is heavy and uncomfortable. I will not wear it, normally, unless I have some reason to. But, should I need it, it will keep me safe... hopefully.