Kelian Hannen Journal: Traveling the Stars

Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


Time to say goodbye

*after renting a room in the chirper's again, Kelian takes out the new magic quill that he bought and journal, activating the quill so that it writes by itself while he start to speak, looking out of the window*

Date: unknown, mirtul? 1357

Have been some decades now that i have left the Coast,i think, trying to figure out what to do without friends and enemies surrounding me, finally got some time for freely breath and reflect.I traveled for the continent, sailed the sea of Fallen Stars again, reaching for the Cormanthor and looking at the shores of the Moonsea one more time...every day i just moved on, trying to look back for some more assassins but seems i have left them behind as well.During my travels i have met many kind of persons, some were not exactly good people but at least they seemed to not know who i was, that was a good start...

And then, while exploring a ruin, ended up in this strange city.Is weird, it reminds me a lot Baldur's Gate but is...so different. Here tollerance is not treason and reason is not clouded by fear and prejudice...is far from a paradise from what i have heard but here i found a bit of myself again. I have to thank many people here for that, Raziel, Nike,Isondra...and most of all Dace and Sasha.They probably will never know, but the good times passed in these two days at the rule of Five bringed me back to before all that mess started...before i was called from Lathander into fighting that lich.This blissful peace allowed me to review things again in my mind.

I never really stopped to see it, but i did give everything to them...when they had a problem, i tried to offer my hand, when something
threatened them, i was first in line to fight the enemy off.What did i get in return? Scorn.Hate.people pushing me away because of lies that they did not care to verify or prove wrong or right.The ones i most loved and would had died for, brushed me off as easily as dusting off their clothes, putting all the blame on me without even seeing their wrong doings or the pain they were doing to me.I left in the letter that, once i had understood what to do with the Radiants, i would had come back...but what good there is in coming back?

I will not bow my head to someone that use magic to brain wash people and spread rumors and badmouthing on others that tries to help...and let not get me started with all i learned during my travels about them.No, Dace and Sasha are right...i have to see this as an opportunity to get myself free from all this pain they left me with and definitely forget about that world.I don't care about the Lich, i don't care about the relics...i don't care about the Halls, the Radiants and any of them anymore...and if Lathander has a problem with that, then he can fight his own battles.Who knows, maybe i will meet some of his servant soon or later....today,afterall, a woman that said to come from mount Celestia delivered me some divine items, saying that someone sended her and told me to put them to good use.

Is too soon to say that here things will be different, is too soon also to say that i can trust them...but i will just try to find again the Kelian that was trying to help others with a smile, instead of this one that when closes his eyes sees only spiders and demons to fight or keeps others away to not feel betrayed again.Who knows, i really hope i will find him again, some day.

Some are surprised on how quickly i am adapting to this new reality...i tried to explain how i got used to costantly adapt to my environment, and actually this is the first one where so far i like to adapt: here i have seen angels and devils in the same room, talking to each other like long time friends.Traveling from here you can go anywhere: from the planes that Isabella and Edelgarde so much told me about or to other worlds that here they call "primes".The words of Dace still linger in my mind..must admit he got me quite curious with his speech. Would like to reach him again to learn more, but i do not wish to end up like with Lucia...i will try to look for the others too and learn from them about this Multiverse.
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


*Kelian is sitting in front of the desk in his room, lost in some thoughts once again, while observing the shiny bead that angel gave him. Sighs softly from the nose a moment, closing his eyes, when some of the words that Alizeh spoke came back to his mind again...that curious living lute that he bought played a bit of a sad cue, earning a side glance from the Aasimar but in the end just goes back into observing the bead with a more pondering gaze. After few more moments thought shakes his head and puts the item away, taking instead the magical quill that moves on his own and put it near the new bought Journal*

"Third cycle since arrival, 1357

Getting an idea of time in this place is...hard, so i decided to date the entries in this journal starting counting from when i arrived into Sigil.This way i hope to be able to at least take into acount the years that will pass in my world...have learned really a lot in this place and it feels like i just glimpsed to the tallest mountain i have ever seen.Dace and Anthril told me stories about their past here in the Cage, they have left me impressed to say the least...feel lucky to have met such amazing people in my first day of arrival.They helped me to get around here and encouraged also to improve some of the skills that have showed them.They are good people.

Following hints and voices at the Baazar,while talking with them and others, i let curiosity take the better of me once more and managed to venture away from Sigil...curiously, doing this is called "planeswalking" instead of adventuring.Have been in the depts of the earth plane and thanks to miss Dora have found a way to earn my keep for a time, gems retrieved from those caves are worthy some...cogs. I wonder how Nalissa would react to know that here one of the currency is litteraly cogs. Was thinking of starting to dwell into gem cutting too, mister Oz has been so kind to show me the ropes of the trade and is quite interesting, polish and cut what someone would find dull rocks untill they become shiny gems.I am curious about her history to be honest,she seems a very kind person but is always busy...maybe next time i will ask if she has some free time to share stories.

Have also traveled to the Astral plane, sailing through what people calls it "the astral sea" on a flying ship...at the beginning i had some dizziness, but after that i cannot deny that i was staring at the stunning beauty of that endless sky for the whole time, the travel seemed far too short for me despite they saying that lasted long enough.Managed also to meet new people, traveled with a little big group yesterday...Alma,Vae,Aizhel,Migly...it bringed back good memories.Still, these new powers i am developing to make up to the lack of the divine grace of Lathander i once wielded are different but dangerous...some that travel with me are not really people that can dwell in the upperplanes, let's say.Probably I should refrain to use them too much in group.

Can't avoid to think that is a cruel joke thought...at the Gate they accused me of being too stubborn on my ideals,that "my light burns so bright to blind and hurt"...irony, i can do it phisically now. *the quill writes down the verse that sounds similar to a soft sigh* well, it helped me survive in dangerous places and not all of the people i travel with are affected by it, except saying that is a bit too bright for them eheheh...oh darn, it writes down even th- *makes a soft sigh again smiling* these magical items are..curious and interesting, like the lute that have been gifted yesterday by miss Kaltia, it plays by himself when i least expect it..i mean, is kinda funny, but i hope it will not do so in moments..let's say critical.Otherwise, sorry my friend, but you will stay here or either end up in a peddler bin *the sounds of a dread cue is played for a moment and another soft laughter is recorded on the journal* anyway..i hope i can find a way to repay her kindness one day, offered my help for a project of a spelljammer's harbor in town, maybe i can do something in that.

Speaking of,have been here since little but i tried to help and guide those that were lost like me..guess this side of me would not change, despite everything..i did so even with a drider. It was hard for me to try and be helpful, to be honest...how many dreadful black spiders have killed in these months? how many times i have tried to capture some of the dhaerows serving the lich?..i have lost the count..well..i want to look to the bright side, remaining calm and still trying to help her means that, afterall, there is still hope for me.I think.Didn't manage to catch her name thought, when i came back to the cup after ending business with miss Dora she was not there anymore. Maybe next time

...and this brings us to an astral deva,Me...Mekhsit?..i think..have to remember well the name if i dare to call her.She was at the Baazar the other day, togheter with a succubi..they were talking about racism...this place is amazing...anyway, she offered counsel and i was a bit hesitant in asking her help. I am still hesitant, despite saying that would like to talk again. She gave me this bead that would allow me to call her but...those like her are helping so many people around... *silence seems to fell in the room for a long while*

Anyway, i am ranting a lot, this poor quill will consume itself if i keep going like this. Probably should try to do this each day so it would have less to write down"

*and after saying that, deactivate the quill with the magic word and close the journal, taking up his equipment and venturing out of the door directed gods knows where*
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


Sileas speech

*Once done meditating, Kelian opens his eyes to look inside the rented room, once again alone but this time less bitter, less hardened...his mind goes back to the last few days and it makes him do a more warm smile, as little as it is.The lute plays a gentle and cheerful cue for few moments making him do a soft sigh*

...you know that everytime you act like this, i think to leave you here right?

*althought this time no answer comes back from the magical instrument, making him shake his head...his gaze in that wander one more time on the journal and decide to activate the quill near it with the usual keyword*

"Sixth cycle since arrival

Discovered today that is a bit pointless keeping track of the months and years...time flows differently depending on which plane you are in, could have pass days like years since my arrival here in respect to Toril.Althought not all that i met in that world may be gone, afterall i had more friends among elves and feys than humans, there is a high possibility that many faces have indeed passed over the mortal realms...yet, i do not really feel anything.Ashenie, Edelgarde, Eisenhorn...to name a few...people that i fought alongside on many occasions, people that i cherished with all my strength...could be gone and i feel nothing of it.Maybe afterall Alexander was right, i am broken..and did not even realize it.

..but things are going better, improving, even if a little.Have met many souls in this city that helped find scattered pieces of myself...from Alizeh to Zarass,even if some of them are not exactly dwellers of the upperplane or without really thinking on the little actions they do, it means much for me....miss Dora and mister Oz that are helping me in getting set on a respectable job,Alizeh,Dace and Sasha guiding me through this maze of factions...Jules,Linnea...

*a sounds of scratching is written down in little letters*

Well, to try and be short this time, i began to get better the hangs of the economy around here and how to gain cogs, my skills in gemcutting are improving and once i will be good enough to cut flawless gem i will try to make a little shop of my own, thought also on what to focus...didn't see many work that profession, so could be a good business.Still will be just an hobby, like performing...i have to admit that miss Nike compliments took me by surprise...her encouragements really left a mark...also miss Sha'la'ta made me rediscover a part of me that i thought lost and gone, surprisingly so if i can say because i didn't expect such introspection from here, althought i fear this could be bias from her heritage. Not that i have ever been judgemental on the race, but never really expected to discuss social problems with a succubi...i insist, this place is amazing in its own ways...

Renne, a brave paladin that i met in these days, told me of the portals to the Abyss...and a part of me is enjoying these punitive expeditions we are doing there. If i think of what the cultists of Orcus and that damnable lich made go through to everyone in the Coast...it just fuels even more my desire to destroy as many demons as i can.I know are a bit dangerous thoughts,and given their numbers these efforts are nothing more than add a drop of water in the sea, i know that far too very well, but would be liying if i say that i don't find satisfaction in it...Renne and Alizeh understand, i believe. Have told her some of my story and why i despise them so much...so much happened in my staying in the Coast but in the end the more crude and cruelsome memories are left in my mind.

..then, today, a different voice joined the chorus. Sileas. She brought me to Baha..we talked long, she said much and reminds me a lot of Lylan..----------..i think they see me like a victim, i don't really like that..but could be just me overthinking.I am grateful to her thought, she helped me remember more nice memories i had of the Coast..some that got buried deep.We will talk again, i think..no, part of me hopes it.Who knows.

and again, i am saying much without saying anything. In the end i am doing well, i'd wish to be able to say this back home to not let them worry..but again, who knwos if they even cared..didn't hear anything from anyone in all this time. Is likely that they moved on without me, afterall. Regardless, i promised to give an attempt into understanding more these Factions...from what i understood, they do bicker sometimes, but they are wise enough to understand and band togheter when greater problems arise...is a good start for me to have a bit of faith in them.

I still have to use that bead, now that i think of...maybe could give it a try today, if she has a free moment..see her opinion on it and if what Sileas is true afterall, that there is still time to get back..time will tell."
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


*After leaving the Bazaar and reached the Rule,finds it this time surprisingly quiet.Decide so to take out his journal and enter one of the boots near the counter and start writing his thoughts down*

"Tenth cycle since arrival

This time i will use a normal quill since i am not alone and this time i hope to not find some weird writings down...that magical quill is far too effective.Anyway, i have to say that even i am surprised by how far i am adapting to all of this.

I have no issue of sort in accepting people from whatever race that approach to talk, just like i used to be in the past, and noone seems to have a problem with that or find me a weirdo of some sort.Discovered not only that my skills behind a bar are not rustied, but seems have left a good impression on Dace, he offered me to work here properly and help them out at the Rule...we still have to finalize the details, but all in all i would love to. Bringed back some good memory that night and everyone had a lot of fun. Could get addicted into see everyone smile here.
Managed to make some good friends, some throught strength of arms and others through good talks and discussions..i am really enjoying my time here and i feel blessed with a peace that i did not have since a long time.

Started also to approach these factions and understand their philosophies...if i want to be able to work and live properly here, afterall, i think have not really a way out of it, i would have to join one. Still, i have learned my lesson back in my world...i will not join just because people seems nice with me...is not a nice thing to write expecially because my rationality totally knows that they do not deserve it with all the patience had with me in these days...but also everyone at the halls were nice with me, before all of that happened"

*grumbles* here i go again, for gods sake... *then sighs* well, Danae is right, i should let it all out...maybe this way i will spare others

"Thing is..I am tired of these bad memories conditioning my future..i wonder if here they have a memory eraser spell or something like that...maybe would make things easier, who knows.I am trying to focus on the good things happening in these days but in the end something always happens that makes the past push forth and when i found myself surrounded by silence, these memories does nothing else but scream.Like, for example, there has been an issue in town recently, didn't witness the whole fact to be honest but mi-.. Reina still seems to have appreciated the help...yet, with cold mind and once left alone with my thoughts, part of me hopes that will not ask for more. I don't want that all over again... aiding,being used and then tossed away, i am really sick of it

Worst thing is that i know perfectly that is none of their fault; is mine. If i am that tired of this, i should stop offering..instead, i just keep doing it, i can't accept to see someone with a problem and doing nothing about it, so i offer what little i can do to improve things..without thinking, without even realize that i was doing it.Think i have never hated myself like in this moment."

*after venting out all of that takes a deep breath and exhales, going back to write*

"Sileas is right..they all are right; i have to learn to forgive myself..what happened was not in my control. True, was then my choice to stand up, but i only did my best with the informations i was able to collect and the strength i had at the time.I should not be ashamed and actually start showing some pride, since lives were saved thanks to that...i don't know if could do the same here, but if Danaes is right and i can indeed put this to good use, don't do it because of fear is one of the most stupid thing i could do."

*looks then outside, noticing that was almost time and makes a more relaxed smile*

"Is almost time for Nike performance, i will close this entry here for now"
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


...

*With the laughters in the Rule still in his ears, ringing happily, he walks through the clerk's ward with a soft smile looking a bit back to that place.Takes another deep breath but instead of going back to the chirper, takes the nearby portal to Mercuria. The mountain was lovely and he had no intention to fight, he never did there...was more than contempt to just reach the nearby cliff and stare at the mountain in contemplation, meditating*

"..you never listens to what other people tell you. You are arrogant and ignore whoever thinks differently from you"

*he knew was just another shadow of his memories, another ghost came to tormenting him, but remembering Nike words of that night he just smiled, answering more to himself than to that memory with assertive tone*

"..you are so wrong Lucia. There were so many that i could count on and i was listening to. Gwyn, Isabella,Netanya, ser Fenwick, Alex,ser Edric,Rose...the voices are..were so many that sometimes i missed some. I apologise, but you have no right to say this...not afterall we said to eachother...you know what was at stake and i did all i could with the best intentions in mind. If that was not enough for you...well it was your problem. I never ignored anyone, sometimes to a fault as you know, and i should have told you this that time, instead of just apologising and saying that i would had not turn Colds down"

"...you cannot be stubborn with people, Kelian.Be it with fate, not with people.."

"..people are part of fate too, Ed. You should know it better, i learned from Salim betrayal, from what Alyssia,Lylan and Levi has done to me.I admit, it left me wounded,so wounded that i doubt will ever be the same again... but i learned that you have to be vigilant...not closed because i am beginning to notice thanks to everyone here that...not "everywhere" is like that cursed coast...but if you knew all i learned about the Radiants and the other side of that town...i wonder if you would say that again. Nevertheless...i still tried. They just kept acting in their corrupted way.There is really nothing left to say"

"..i believe you Kelian..."
*this time he answers a little more bitterly*
"..and i was so tired, so so tired, that i did not care anymore..i wanted to believe in you again too...i hoped that things would had gone better, back to how they were, i still appreciate all the help you gave me after those words, you tried to support me and give me brief moments of rest and peace..but...the wounds are too deep. The idea that another weird lie or rumors could turn you against me any moment...what you said about truth...was always there, gnawing in the back of my mind...you never once said you were sorry for what happened, yet i forgave you..like i always forgave whoever did something wrong to me...i hate that part of me, and i hope will die with the memories of you"

"..like all kids, you had to experience this on your own.."
"..i always wondered who do you think you are Bo--no, Vanira. I don't care how you want to be called anymore. You defined me a child, but guess what? you were the one spying on this child, you attempted to steal from him two times and when he got fed up with your attitudes and just slammed the door in your face? you went to spy others around him to know what he was up to. Funny thing, i learned your true nature that you hide behind that facade. You make me sick, you-...no.You know what?...think what you want. I am slowly forgetting you, the Radiants...even Elle. If she found her place among you, i am happy and hope her life will be filled with happiness but this will end. Everytime i argue against you, i become a little bit more like you and less like me. Disappear. I repudiate you and that fake Lord that you serve"

*then voices that did not expect arrived sweet and gently in his ears, differently from the hateful ghost that he was used to push back*
"There are those that supported you...don't falther, Champion.." "..i heard you Kelian..just give me time, i heard you..."
*that makes him curl his lips in suffering but takes a deep breath closing his eyes*
"....Too little. Too late, Lylan...i tried for months to show you who i am...to show you that i just wanted to defend my home, my family, the people i loved, the faith i upholded...but you?..you could only see yourself: your pain, your prestige, your bonds,you,you,you... I realized it only after the last talk and how you always looked at me in those months...you say i betrayed you, that i broke my promises to you...i wonder if you ever stopped for a moment and realized of how many times you made me wait in silence, for hours, or that night when you said you and others were organizing to "help me" behind my back,without telling me anything...despite even others have told you about your foolishness, i wonder if you will ever learn..but i guess i am just another doll that you got fed up with in the end and tossed away, so why bother and explain this to your ghost."

"...are you really capable of giving up?" *her light, innocent smiling face still vivid in his memory,another stab into his heart*
"...avoid negativity, for from deaths comes life, and there is always another morning to turn a setback into a success...I am sorry sister, but this is it...you were always there for me, you were always by my side...and they insulted you and your faith because of that...you always helped me to see the better side of me, the one that even now i struggle to see, i would have liked to show you that you are not cursed and that magic is not something to be afraid of...i wil lpray that you and Iolanna will live a very long and fulfilling life and that, in the end, we could see eachother again..away from that evil place...while i..will try again, to uphold all you have thought me, all you have showed me...you were right, there can be peaceful talk even with deamons and undead...i think that if i am able to talk with them without going crazy, is thanks to you and your bravery.I will pray for you, sister...and will start over keeping your memory in mind.

*and then, for the first time since several countless days...silence was all that left, opening his eyes and observing in that calm mount celestia with a more peaceful expression*
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


*After a brief walk in silence, once again his feet made him wander in the Rule once again. Too soon for any shift, not even Dace and Sasha were there...good enough for him thought, was not really in the mood to talk. Sitting at the counter he takes another deep breath from the nose, unsure on who to say those things decide once again to write on the journal*

"Fifteen cycle since arrival

Uh..has been a while since i have written here.Honestly a lot of things happened and didn't feel the need to write anymore.Dace and Sasha took me in and offered me a job, have seen their house, their spelljammer the Siren, Danae and Argent house Mel...that is...a spelljammer with a will of its own...still left in awe about that. Learned about the strange foods and drink of the Multiverse and starting to enjoy them, learning about the Signers, about the Factions in general...really, so much happened that i do not even know where to start.

In the end, thanks to them all i am..turning back to what i used to be. For example took a bit of initiative and organized a little investigative group to help Dace...i have still a bit of doubts and fears about that but i will not turn back.Guess i can't just stay still and sit while others suffer..or maybe Nike is at fault for that, after what she told me here at the Rule.Is fine though, there are people i can count on here, like Linnea...she is marvelous, i'd wish she was in my world..maybe with her the problem of Polvich would had lasted few weeks instead of months.She will also work here at the Rule, she is a funny and kind one...looking forward to work with her really.

Thanks to people like her, Nike,Sileas, Argent..i am slowly facing my demons and letting go of the past. So why am i writing here? well we just had a...bit of touchy topic, me and Argent. I mean, i know that what he told me was not easy for him...but still i reacted a bit harshly... guess i did not end to face all my problems afterall.Still, i learned after what happened with Nathan... instead of staying there and risk to say something stupid, i just took up and left.Is better this way, i will avoid hurting them at least.

Still, leaving like that was quite rude wasn't it?..will be sure to bring them some other gift next time.If nothing else to thank him for the story shared and hear out my problem.Speaking of, i should probably talk of this with the interested person...it is for the best."

*taking a little deep breath and then sighing puts down the quill and takes out his lute, going to play a bit*
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


*Left alone in the Rule, Kelian walks slowly towards the backstage..he is still not sure of anything, what happened in the last few hours made crumble most of the world he knew and finding those three inside the establishment with signs of battles did not help.Going behind the curtains of the backstage he walks towards the private office door where blood seemed to come out of it. Oddly enough, the door creeked, slightly opening...taking his flail out this time, he advanced to open the door.

Inside the walls and the paintings where all turned red, blood was everywhere with signs of claws and violence, on the ground Isonade and the young slave they saved reversed in a pool of blood, Sasha sitted on her "throne" with the throat cutted and several bites of vampires on her neck and Dace, the black coated pirate, was impaled on the wall nearby the door. Stunned and agap, the aasimar just stared at the scene for few moments, before trying to step forward ,"i can still help them" he thought "i can bring them back" trying to reach with his free hand Isonade corpse*

"..why didn't you come?"

*his hand stops hearing the voice of the drow, pulling it slowly back while the corpses start shambling a bit*

"..where were you?" "..you let this happen"

*slowly steps back when they starts to stand up and move again,covered in blood and wounds, lifeless*

"..what were you doing while they attacked us?""..do we matter so little to you?""..you let us DIE"

*stepping back outside the door while the corpse starts shambling towards him, voices like ghosts of another life comes from all around him not letting him think straight*

"you seemed so happy without us""you betrayed ME""you are destined to fail""too little, too late Kelian""you are a traitor so stupid to believe a drow"

*suddenly the hands of the young girl reached for his face clawing towards his eyes and screaming while jumping to his throat*
is all your FAULT

--------------------------------------------------------------
Weight

*With a piercing brief scream he stands quickly up from the couch he was lying on, hands trembling and cold sweat falling down on his face.It requires few moments to focus and regain a more stable breath, observing the private room of the Rule in perfect condition and with that subtle gentle scent of incense lingering in it.Stands up to go check the entrance, still barred like he left it, while the hall was silent and quiet.Calming down he walks towards the counter, for a moment tempted to have a drink but decide to just reach for the water with a deep sigh and noticing his journal sticking out from his pockets decide to take it out and write on it*

"Thirty cycle since arrival

Has been a long while since i felt the need to write my thoughts here...has been quite the ride. All in all, i started building myself a new life here:working as a bartander at the Rule is fun and allowed me to discover so many new tastes and interesting people,gave me also a way to help others and new comers where i could giving them a bit of shelter.I have become a Signer and thanks to the help of my friends i am able to pray and reach to Lathander's thoughts once again, Mesh thought would had been a good idea to travel to His reign and ask audience to him or one of his vassal...i am still a bit..uncomfortable about the idea but she is right, is probably the only way to pull out some weights out of my chest

Especially because everything seems to repeat just like a very bad memory stone: a vampire called Mastrovish was behind the attacks and helped Dace and the others to uncover more on the matter...we managed to save a slave, discovered an illegal market and much more...but of course, we should had expected retaliation. From what i heard, Sasha event was assaulted and the girl we saved was slayed, Isonade was frame of that and a huge mess happened here at the Rule in the middle of the night. I am trying since several hours to reach for Dace,Sasha and Isonade with a sending but either they are unable to answer at the moment or....

I should avoid think for the worst, they are probably resting or in a place where sending cannot reach. Is rare, but possible. About the resting i should probably do the same more properly...i didn't manage to catch a good night of rest in few cycles after the things i have seen...heavens, i wonder if there is ever a bottom to reach.I cannot stop blaming myself...if instead of taking a night off and rest, i went to the Skin, maybe i could have stopped whatever happened...i just had a really horrible nightmare about that.To top it off, Salim seems to be in Sigil too...that traitor reopened old wounds and messed up my head again... i will make myself some tea and try to calm down, that nightmare gave me an idea on something i can do to help the others out maybe.

I really hope this will be the last time i write on this...i hate not being able to talk with someone about these problems, but of course everyone is busy. I cannot bother them with my problems...will have also to apologise to those three. Illy did what she did, but i was too harsh this time.Should try to find her later."
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


*after waving to the wite cloacked figure he goes back inside his little apartment in chirper. A warm smile left on his face while walks towards the table, the more recent memories and the words coming along with them in the mind*

"is not your fault, Kelian""pfft, primers, what do they know of such a knight-like person?""Is bwael to see you are a survivor"

*reaching for the chair he sits down, taking again hiw journal and starting to write on it*

"fourty five days since arrival

Has been a while again since i wrote..and this time i have really nothing bad going on. Well i..did fight with a couple of friends, but things could definitely be worst...

..actually, things are going so well that, sometimes i wonder if this is just a very nice dream i am having. I found a place that i belong to in the Sign, a home in the Rule, both with all working in it and the people visiting it, the gemcutting business is going overall well...i don't think am fitted for enchanting or jewelry yet but even just with the diamonds and jasmal i find and cut, can always manage to make some cogs daily. I got the love of the sweetest and wisest angel i have ever met, good friends to share problems and drinks with or to planeswalk togheter.

Meskhenet has been with me for so much time and..she never left. Is the first i told my whole story, the good and the bads, and i still have many more..but she didn't turn back, she didn't abandon me...she just embraced me and didn't let me go.How could someone not fall in love with all that kindness?..she is very busy and so we do not meet often, but we make sendings everyday to reach out and talk a bit...can't deny that i'd wish her here even now, but i promised myself to behave and not give her troubles.So, when i am not fighting or doing researches, i just go to the Gymnasium, relaxing with some sparring in the arena or swimming in the pool...and there i have met my past again.

Today i have met Shazy. She is different, very different from what she was...for her time has passed but she still remembered me...i managed to tell her all those things i have kept all this time.She also seems always busy,but still invited her to stay here or use this place as home as long as she likes. I want to hear more about her experiences in these years...and keep the promise i made to her long ago...i wonder what she thinks about me now...last time, in Elysium, i asked Meskhenet if is all just an illusion. If in reality i just died and all this peacefull bliss is some sort of end game reward. I must have looked so stupid when asked that.

Mastrovich is still a problem, of course, and also Red Sigil but...i am not scared nor anxious anymore. I have done my part and i am fine with it. Will still try to help my friends in this problem, of course, and do my best to defend this new home called Sigil, but without the rush or need to "do more" or for the fear that something bad may happen. I am doing good and should be...and i am fine with it.Speaking of doing good...this encounter with Shazy made me realize that, afterall, i should be..a bit less stubborn on some arguments. Even if i end up disagreeing on some points of view, that is not a reason to forsake a friend...they will not just turn their backs like others did on Toril for just that...and if they do, is their loss...but untill then, i should try and make the effort to reach them.

Will try to look for Maya or Mia first thing after a nap...i don't even feel the need for the herbal sleeping infuse anymore, i just feel like sleeping."

*puts then down his quill, stretches his arms and as said goes towards the bed, curling himself under the sheets for some rest*
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


stronger than i thought

*Surrounded by books and pages filled with notes, the aasimar is sitting at a desk inside the offices inside the Halls of speakers. With a tired look, he toss away the quill in his hand and relaxes on the chair...his gaze ending up on his possession, his journal showing up from one of his pockets. Decide to take a break by taking it out and eating some sweets as well from out one of his bag of holdings. With a cupcake in one hand and the quill in another*

"Eighty one days since arrival

Has been so long since the last time i wrote up here...so many stuff happened but, thanksfully, i have many close persons to talk to and talk with...althought, this period is particularly stressfull and even them have their problems. So, here we are again..

The good news are that i am living happily with Meskhenet...and Shazy. She still loved me, after all these years..that left me surprised to say the least..and worried. I was starting to prove something for her, but i deeply love my angel. Still,when i told her about was happening, she said that was fine..she knew that i would had not betray her, that she was fine if i was sure to love her too. At the start i was...unsure to say the least. I thought she was doing this only to make me happy or something..but i was wrong. They get along well and we all enjoyed a good time togheter at Daisy's...the more these kind of things happens, the more my thoughts are "i died and ended up in some sort of haven".More reasons to believe so, we also traveled to the realm of Lathander..with them and the Andors. We uncovered some major clues about Mastrovich and i got the answers to the questions that were tormenting me since i have left the Coast...i felt good like i didn't in a lot of time.

After that...i traveled back to Toril. Baldur's Gate is not the same and many of the faces i knew.. were not around anymore and just went into the Great Beyond... i still managed to find few people. Learned how they did seek for me few times, but they didn't find me nor i answered their sendings. They believed me dead and dropped the researches after few months.It surprised me...and gave me a reason once again to find a way back. Not to be there...i have thousands reasons not to, but i don't want to leave them grieving on something untrue.It will require time but i will find a way.

Now..the bad news. Things seems fated to repeat, again, ...seems there are weird chants going around me in Sigil. As always, half truths turned into blant lies..i even got reported to the Harmonium and had to explain my situation.Thanksfully, Reina understood and being a Measure i could tell her the whole truth. She was..worried about me but that's my fault. The words she used bringed me back into the office of Vanira...that day she as well seemed caring, worried, kind. I didn't know at the time the monster hiding behind that smile.I looked to Reina with distrust for few moments...i know she is not her, but these wounds seems are definitely not deciding to heal...i will speak with Mesk about this, see if she can suggest something.

Reina after that...opened up. She was stressed and tired, she hoped to see some closure to our problems but had no idea where to start...honestly, after what was uncovered at Morninglory, i stepped back again, letting the Triad sort it out but...i can't stand seeing a friend like that. So here i am, in the library of the Halls since few days..didn't go out since days except eating and resting..i isolated myself from the world, but finally found a definitive solution to our problem. Now i just need to explain it to the others and gather a good enough amount of spellweavers.

On a side note...despite me saying that my wounds are not healing, i always thought how i would had reacted in face of the ones who hurted me.Sometimes having dark dreams of me tearing them apart where they stood or turning my back on them while asking for my help...spitting words of hate and rage on them...that's one of the main reason why i didn't really want to go back. I don't want to become like that. Instead, one of them found me: the drow that started everything...the chase of me out of the Halls and that set a bounty of thousands coins on my head. The one that caused me to fight assassins while constantly moving away and keep fighting the war somehow.The main source of most of my issues in the Coast...she stood there, next to me...

...and she begged. I didn't expect this. She went on her knees, crying, begging for forgiveness . I tried my best to find lies in her words...there were not. That was sincere and honest remorse of a pure soul free from the clutches of the spider-b**ch. I put my hand on her head while she was still crying and forgave her.I could not feel the hate or the anger..just felt sorry for her sadness.Afterall, i was still alive, those fights were...good experience, of a sort, to work heavily under stress...and showed me the true colours of the people around me and that i used to call "friends".

Maybe..just maybe..they are not completely healing but, slowly, i am returning to whom i used to be..someone that believed in second chances.

Maybe.

*closes then his journal and with a sigh was going back to work when the door of the office opens and a familiar figure enters the room..*
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


Multiverse on fire

*finally finding a bit of shelter and respite away from the Halls and the cup, Kelian lies down on the bed with his armor still doned. Extremely tired massages his face before looking up to the ceiling again. Ouffing from the nose, his eyes glance to his hidden pockets, where the new pocketwatch and his journal stands a bit out from.A bit frustrated takes out the las one and opens it, the magical quill standing on the ready to write on its own before going back to stare at the ceilings*

"One hundred and four days since arrival

As i foreseen a month ago, things are pretty much repeating themselves..althought this time i will aim for a different outcome.

For start, i had to distantiate myself from Argent and Danae. While the second has really no fault, the first one managed to put in jeopardy not only the Sign reputation but also its well being with so many actions that i do not even know where to start and was also ordered to forget about half of them. I can even do that, problem is people won't...there is much distrust and discomfort around him and i really hope is working to improve that, but after our last talk i doubt it.Tried to reach for Danae but either she is avoiding me or we really fail to find time to catch up, both ways doesn't matter anymore.I asked for a new Factor to follow and report to, but seems i misunderstood a bit the hierarchy in the Sign. Still i managed to get the attention and interest of the Factol, that's a good thing and put many people that tried to make me leave the Sign and join their faction to be quiet without me having to be rude or ruining my standings with them.

I will soon talk with Factor Sarazh. She seems to have a similar mindset as our Factol and is the oversee of the Dreamheart..a sect that i was already interested in since a while. Will see how this chat will turns out,hopefully for the best.With that said, for some reasons people started to involve me in many different things after what he did...i am trying to juggling among them all but i will have to say a no from here and there. While it helped me to understand who to trust and who don't, it was tiring to say the least...still better than Baldur's Gate but tiring nonetheless...i really didn't want to step up again, to be honest. I just wanted to enjoy a life of a bartender, leave all these important things to others, but is just that stronger than me it seems. When i see something that i don't like or that would bring too much danger, i will just stand there.

Anyway, at least i learned this time. The people i can trust are many and with them i am working on projects under the surface to improve the City and the Sign standing...it will require time, but i have become patient. There has been many that, as in the past, turned their backs or showed signs to be unable to accept others thoughts or ideas on the matter...while i am sorry to say this i will have to cut them out from being too deep in my life. I learned my lesson from Toril, if they can't play in a group, is more damage than benefit and i am glad that this war effort gave me the opportunity to look how many works under stress. Managed also to make some people keep remaining interested in joining the Sign, so that's a plus. We do not recruit, is one of the main rules of the Sign, but i hope to have some more planeswalkers to plan these things with in the Sign and one day have our own think tank...it will require time and need to find the more open minded, but so far achieved some good results.

I am honestly tired and lacking ways,or even time, to relax...Shazy and Meskhanet have a lot on their plates as well, so i really try to not bother them in these days...but i would lie if i say that i would not just hold them and not let go for cycles if they just give me the chance.The battle is near. After that, i will try to seek them out. I want to go with them on a vacation somewhere for a bit, before i get involved again into the other projects i "need" to stop and take a breath, or all the weight will just crush me.Thanskfully, i have several friends that i can chat openly and vent out to...Saiyu, Kaltia, Reina, to name a few...i really should find some gifts to repay their kindness some how.

Met some new people around, some actually had a hard time in the moment of their arrival, i am sorry they had to meet me when i am in a bad mood but...seems they still appreciated nonetheless talk or have to do with me. Quite grateful of it, proves that i am not loosing it afterall."

*his writing stops, turning his attention towards the streets while hears chants of a call to arms of the Lady's guardianship*

"hm..speaking of...time to get back to work it seems."

*makes a faint sigh and closes the journal with the quill flowing inside of it, while the aasimar stretches and looks out of the window for few moments, pondering, before standing up and walking away*
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