Kelian Hannen Journal: Traveling the Stars

Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


Has been a ride..

*opening the door to his apartment in Chirper's, Kelian sees that after all tha time was not changed too much. Not many signs of had been used recently but doesn't seems to be bothered by it, just a lingering feeling of pleasure of being back.Putting his belt with several bag of holdings on it over the chair, gets free from the armor to look then at the desk with his diary still there. Takes his time for a while, gazing into it, but decide to head towards it, blowing softly air from the nose, looking at the last page that he wrote*

...that much time, uh

*says out loud while fllipping few pages. Making a wary smile,decide to sit down, grabbing the quill one more time thinking a bit on the words,but once again he just starts to write, letting words flow naturally*

"One hundred thirty eight days since arrival

So much happened since the last time i have wrote on this...so much that i don't know where to start.

Let's begin with the most important part: i have left the Sign. I know the consequences this could had and i did pay already a bit of it in the last few cycles, some of my touts and people that i used to work with looked at me with suspect and waryness. Honestly, i barely felt it...much better this then what i was going throught in the Sign.
In the end, all my hard work was going for naught. Despite my efforts, people were getting tired of the costant drama situation, and i was just the same. Hoped to reach a better conclusion talking with Danae, she was the one that initiated me to the Sign and hoped she had a good explanations for her husband actions.

She had not. In the end, everything was really repeating like in the Coast. Basically, i could have bow my head and accept what she said as "the truth" and trying to do our best to not step into eachother feet, as if was even possible given the circumstances and every report i received. Is funny. She reminded me of the Halls of Inner Light and realized that i was doing the same mistake again. I have put my faith in the wrong people, and they were trying to come clean as the good one. I have learned thought since then and i refused such an outcome. So i did what i should had definitely do in Toril and maybe would had avoided me months of pain and struggles: i left.

Honestly, never felt better: the very same night some of my friends decided to make a toast of it and we had a nice party while the Sign was paying a steep price in lives. It didn't feel really right, but i could not do a moral anymore. I mean, i had part of the solution to the case of the Signer's murderer and just remained quiet. I gave a small hint to Raena, but i was so fed up that i didn't care if she got it or not that morning. Many were worried that i wanted them dead, but in reality i simply don't care for them enough at this point if they live or die.

I didn't like that. I still wonder if the price of this freedom, this more light hearted feeling, is being such a cold man. I tried to focus on the other projects and people i was trying to help, like Alari and Atria or the case of the Zhentarim in the Cage, but...felt like i had lost the direction. For who or why i was doing that? myself? people that once i considered friends? the City? i could only feel a loss of trust in everything around me..i confessed this to few close persons, but in the end i think other realized it as well given the distance i have put.I received the news that the Radiant Hearts were purged, afterall my hard work did not go to waste...but i felt only more anger.The Halls of Inner Light mostly split..only Alyssia seems is still there, but i didn't feel anything at her mention.Even working on my own project felt a bit pointless

Abwan gave me a good advice, one that i tried to follow in these cycles, "you cannot help others if can't help yourself".In the end i was alone, Meskhanet decided to focus solely on her work and Shazy on her training with the swordancers.The Andors as well decided to focus on work and barely were seen in the bar, Kana was not coming to work as well since a lot now that has the orphanage to work into. Felt pointless at some point to even contact them again, so i just started to focus on myself, trying to find something to help me move on and put everything else in hold.

Ended up talking with Vilanth a lot in the last weeks, she is nice. Reminds me a bit of Tommy and of sister Ashenie...seems i remind her of a friend she had in her own prime. I can't remember the name now...said he was a mithril knight. A good man. It made me feel something again and we met few times again to talk about our experience in the city. She has a nice idea of importing halfling goods in the city, i would like to help her but for now i refrained from offering too deep help, for the reasons earlier written.

In one of these times we were togheter, a little Cipher event happened in the Gymnasium...a factor of one of the sects answered our questions and explained to us his meaning of the cadence and the multiverse. It was interesting and left us with an exercise to do, one that i found like a possibility for me to find some inner calm; to go in the Outlands, travel to the spire and,once there, ask this simple question to ourselves, then start to walk again.

Who am i?

I don't even know how much time i spended in contemplation of that question. My mind went back to Toril again and all the long road that brought me up to that point.A priest? a bard? a scolar, a warrior, a leader, a pariah...? someone over confident? someone most of the times unsure of himself? i didn't even realize when i started to move again. My mind was just focused on that question and the possible answer. So many things happened, so many times that i felt so fed up, broken and then made whole again. Everytime a little more colder, everytime a little more distrust of others and still not able to shake away the feeling of wishing to see the others around me happy and smile, at peace and relaxed.

Before i realized, a small assortment of longhouses and shacks tucked along the shores of a deep fjord were on the horizon. A sign crudely made signed the gatetown of Glorium. The entry to Ysgard, the Heroic Domains. I wondered after few moments if that was my destination, if there i would had found the answers. Asked to few sods in the village and enter Ysgard was not easy but nor impossible. Part of me wanted just to enter and wander in there, see if i could had found the answers that way...but is not an easy plance of existance and if i wonder as i did, could also not come back.

So i made my way back here to the City, took me a while but is more right to talk with few people before doing such a journey, don't wish for my friends to worry about me in case i would disappear.

With Alari and Atria is...complicated. They attacked me when i was still a Signer. If i reported them to the Harmonium could had made them pass a very bad time..many asked me why i didn't. Indeed, i have to admit, part of me wanted to make them pay for all i have been throught in Toril...they didn't join the slanders and the people of the Radiants, but nonetheless they turned their back on me when i considered them good friends...but those days at the Rule, reminded me better times at the Jest.No matter how many times other says otherwise, i am still grateful to them for what they did for me before Polvich mess. I doubt will see them again thought. That time at Brux told them to go back to Toril, the City will devour them if they go with such shallow intentions inside a faction. Didn't see them since then and didn't heard anyone tell me of them anymore...guess we will have no more chances to talk again, part of me is glad of that.

I am tired of their betrayals and their insults, not like these ones had much of an effect, and especially tired of that kind of drama in my life...but most of all, they will be safe from the dangers of the Cage.

Think will stop here for now, i need to rest and then walk around Sigil to meet few people and hear the news i've lost."

*putting down the quill, Kelian stretches his arms and looks outside the window, grabbing his belt again, doning his armor and heading out again*
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


*After finally finding some time for himself, Kelian drops as a sack of potatoes on the pillows. leaving the cape and the belt with the bag of holdings on a side...looking then around, in the room, finding the new ambience quite calming and relaxing, even more than his old apartment in Chirper's. Still, the thought of those talks he had these weeks heavies a bit on his mind and when he was going off the usual tangent of getting lost in his thoughts, when he reminds himself of his diary. Taking it out from one of the bags, he turns the pages a bit, smiling a bit melanchonic to those pages.After few moments, takes up the quill once more, starting to write*

"Two hund-"

*he blinks a bit reflecting on the date and then writes down*

"Two hundred and six days.

Never thought would have reached a point in time where i stayed in the same place so long to actually write such a number down

Has been two months quite full of events and when i had something pressing on my mind i always had some good friend to share my worries with, so i didn't find any time or use to write on this book of mine..but i guess is good if i keep track of few happenings at the very least, maybe will write a book about it as i promised to the Archfey long ago. Thing is most of the things that happened is better if just remains in my memory...politics are..complicated.

So, the good things first, the plans keep moving on, i managed to reach to several contacts in the City, both planeswalkers and not, is not as wide and well known as i hope for this project to become but managed to gather the interested of few dozens people and some groups, that should amount to something...still, i doubt anything will go public up for several months still...too many details to care about, too much politic behind it and few people didn't show much dedication...some utterly disappeared from the City and that left me a bit worried...but all in all, things are going quite well. A couple of friends were skilled diviners...after what happened on Toril i promised myself to not listen too much on these, but after Marian gave me that one i was indeed curious to see if she was just spouting gibberish with her feathers like many says or if there was something behind it...Kesto was quite peculiar on it, saying that she actually scares him with her power. Anyway...made two more divinations, with the distance of several weeks between them.

They all yielded along the same result: forget the past, be prepared for something coming soon my way and that with the right resolve, things will be fine. Not really sure what to think of it, but if all three says the same thing, start to get a bit on my mind...my friends says i should not listen much to these, others says that there is truth in the powers that moved those hands...either way, guess the best i can do is being carefull and prepare. The one from master Fraegr made me more concerned thought, he implied that there is actual some power behind what is going to happen..or at the very least, is watching and guiding me. Guess it was Lathander afterall, he did this once already,but he was not sure since his divination was guided by the Norns...

Anyway, another thing that happened, and is still happening, is the Carnival that arrived. There has been quite the funny events so far, like a costume dance like those that used to organize Alyssia and Rose...managed also to win the first prize with my mockering idea...and here i went just for the laugh.Partook also on the tournament that Azuriel organized. Was a bit sorry that not many showed up, but still there was quite the crowd and was also a good way to keep in shape. Despite the limitations managed to snatch the third place there and must say with my surprise...the contestants were all very strong and i have always been more of a supportive role than a solo fighter. Guess the training i underwent with Abwan,Starlight and Reina paid off a lot.

Oh, also, i moved from Chirper's. I am not entirely sure is legal what i am doing, to be honest, but i moved to this demiplane called the Hin Mansion that not many knows the key to enter in it...few friends showed it to me. It has Everything someone could need to live and by everything, i mean it. It is so much of a massive place that i still don't have finished exploring it yet. I hope the owners of the Hin Mansion will not get mad or actually comes back soon,they have left a Sign saying that anyone can use the common areas under the respect of some basic rules, that is totally fair, but i would like to have a proper apartment in here...because yes, i have seen three wings that said "apartments" but have no access to. Quite curious on those rooms...anyway, from what i have seen there is also some sort of security spell here that,if, someone tries to hurt one another some bad things will happen..i still didn't do anything wrong i guess, so they didn't activate, but it is quite comforting to know.

Now, the bad. Someone i knew reached out from the past, litteraly. Mouse used some kind of magic to reach out Sigil..she said was here to gather an army and asked me to come back on Toril, because things are getting dire in our present. I don't know if she did it on purpouse, but also told me that sister Ashenie was crucified togheter with other good servants of the powers...the cities are litteraly at the throat with eachother and some of the more morigerated leaders and guardians that i had the pleasure and honor to work with are missing or disappeared.

I will not lie, especially hearing about sister Ashenie, i was tempted to ask her to bring me back..i asked her to give me time to reflect and listen to my worries, and from there things started going..south. Don't know what happened, maybe all that stress was too much to her, but she is very different from the one i remembered.She didn't listen and acted all high and mighty...she went away without even caring for one word i said, and from there i managed to share my worries with my friends in a couple of days. They were worried, for me to go and never come back. Others outright told me i would die if i tried something like that, cronomancy is something that many powers would kill anyone who tempers with it and i believe them since is what also Argent said back months ago. He may be what he may be, but his skills on that are real.

Yet, if i can be honest, their worries were not really the reason why i stayed...is not because i don't care, i actually love them for their words..and the idea that, despite they all have to bicker or say something against eachother, they all share the thought of want me close makes me feel quite lucky and...warm? i guess is the right word.Not even because i have lost my sense of duty.There are hundreds of thousands...heck..probably millions in the Multiverse to help, i would forsake the possibility to help each single of them for a handful of souls back where i come from...while may looks cinical, is a point of view that some celestials made up and i cannot really disagree with them.Still,was not for that.

I have learned back on Toril that doing what is right, asks for sacrifices most of the time...even if i'd go, i could not promise to come back. I arrived here by chance, is unlikely i would be able to come back here..and even if i had my ups and downs in the City like everyone has, i do not want to lose this place. As i said to Arkantos, this place is more close to Elysium than Toril ever will be.As i screamed to Mouse when she was forcing me to leave, i am not abandoning this Home and whoelse think like her, can either pike it or die trying.

Think that is pretty much everything...there is a lot lot more to say of these months, but as i said, are private things that i will not share even in this book...i know that someone, one day, may find it afterall. In the unlikely hope that may be sister Ashenie, Fenwick, Isabella or someone from Toril that i still miss so much sometimes i just want to say

Thank you for everything you have done for me, i hope the help i managed to bring back then was enough..i hope one day to see you at the City, but i know it will be very unlikely that you even recognize me now.So much has changed afterall. Despite all of that, i am very grateful for all you did for me."

*after a bit, realizing how much he was opening up within the book he scratches a bit his cheek, puts the quill away and decide to turn on the pillows and rest for a while*
Ailander
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 21, 2021 11:05 am

Posted by Ailander »


(p.s. if i write wrong few names, have mercy, i am trying to remember all the npcs and people Kelian met in this entry :P my memory is not that good)

*Entering in the ample study, Kelian goes to lit up the lanterns, the last one near the window allows him to gaze out of the mansion, to the endless green fields surrounding it. With quite the long and satisfied smile he goes towards the chair, sitting in front of the desk and looking around a bit again,with a mix of pride, disbelief and happiness*

Image

*After few moments of gazing around, takes up his quill and start writing on the open journal on the desk*

"Two hundred and twenty one days since arrival

It has been only a couple of weeks since the last time i wrote down on this journal, but so much happened that i thought was better to write it down...or at least, had so much to say and since everyone is busy, even Saiyuu is running a lot more around than usual, thought to just write a lot more here.

So, the good news first, i got this fancy new apartment with several luxurious common areas. No more freeloading or chirper's rooms for me. It was quite pricey for a monthly rent, but mister Torkin and miss Evangeline are nice people. We chatted all night long,showed me around the place and told me about their past in the City. After that, i asked if i could rent an apartment and they approved the idea, we managed an agreement and now here i am...Torkin said i should be proud, this is the fruit of all my hard work....i would like to believe him but after Kaltia's disappointment i want to keep my reserves..but things in order.

Another good news is that i managed to strike a couple new deals with quite some prominent figures in the City. Is all thanks to a golden lord called Timoty D'Arlen. He made quite the advertising for planeswalkers and that gave me quite some advantage with some skpetical characters. We will have to talk about few details but as Dora said, it is quite the good deals we managed to strike.The new year seems be already full of opportunities for us to reap and that gives me good hopes.If everything goes right, since next month i will be able to involve even more people in it.

Finally, i decided to give another try with the Factions. Ambris,Sai,Volmar has been quite welcoming again, despite sometimes were a bit too...hmm...not really forceful, but could use different words in my opinion..the philosophy of the Believers of the Source starts to stick on me a bit..especially since i am everyday realizing of how many events happened in the past that kept breaking and reforging me over and over again...

...there is then a some of a bad note that i would like to write about, but honestly i'd prefer not. If i would, i am sure Kath would be disappointed about it since she is right. I should not grieve or care about those that betray my trust or spread false rumors, just ignore them...at some point ,either will drop their mask and act for who they really are or grow up and try to mend...thanks to her what happened hurted for, really just one day i think. No, i prefer to talk instead about Alari and Atria...they came back to the City.

At first, i was ignoring them...what they did was unexcusable and even by apologising, later, for that reaction wouldn't had matter if was not for their actions.I changed my mind and approached them again,in fact, because i found a fancing duel rapier while roaming the plane of ice, lost by gods knows who..it remembered me the skills Atria showed me that time on the Cloudpeaks and made me smile..took it as a sign of Lathander to grant her at least my ear.They apologised and proved to have learned... or at the very least, to not give for granted that my words were not what they believed...and it was quite surprising to have Alari, for once, just following along without making questions...and i hope they know how much appreciated it, since i am not that keen to share my life again with those that turned their backs in my time of need.

Not like is all flowers and sunshines now...i answers back to Alari's "pokes" and still keep my guard up, to see if they will just turn their back again for the stupid rumors going around...off to kill Kaltia's family.... when i heard that i laughed so much that i almost fell off the spelljammer...but anyway, Morion and Kath are right. I have lost the light i had in the past and i am becoming "hardened" enough to just turn my back as well and ignore these kind of people...but just for a little bit, just even for a speck of what i was before, i want to keep my hopes up that people can improve and change. Alari and Atria showed me that it is possible...the long chat i had with them these cycles made me remember the good times at the Jest, all togheter, laughing and being silly..."

*a more warm smile opens up on his face*

"..Jassin rolling on the floor to jump up on the couch, Lylan smiling and laughing, Alari and Atria mocking him for cleaning the floor...the songs, the long nights spended chatting...the looking at the stars with Lylan.."

*when a drop of water rolls down on the pages he blinks a moment, touching his face and realizing that he did left few tears run down*

..ah..has been a while.. *admits with still that pleased smile on,despite the tears running down. wiping off those few before resuming writing*

"..i know that Kath, Sai,Starlight,Reina,Dora,Harrin and everyone else tell me to not trust too much people for my own sake...and i hope they will not be too disappointed in me but I believe that even when someone hurts us and turns on us, something still remains of good from those moments. Something that may lead us to a new beginning with people, if they show to have the will to change and improve...but without keeping those doors opens, nothing like that will ever happen...i just hope they can cope with me in those moments i rant and when i whine for the pain and hurt those moments will leave me with..but despite the pain, despite the time still passing and me keep runnig ahead...i hope that the people that turned their backs for whatever reason they had, mature and try to approach again, so we can start again...afterall, as a silly Sir Loin once said..

People changed their minds for fear, doubts and pain...as they did so once, they can do it again.

Now, is time for me to go back planning and working..the new year seems there will be several expeditions to do and i want to be sure to have covered all the angles to not break all the promises i made so far for this project..as Rose once said show must go on"

*putting down the quill he stretches a bit his arms, wipe his face once more and stands up, grabbing his gear and blade to head off into the multiverse again*
Post Reply