
*Bathed in a glistening sheen of sweat, rapier in hand, the bardess attacked the wooden dummy with a ferociousness that sent it teetering on it's foundation in the center of the room. True, such activities were better situated to the gymnasium, yet Odette found comfort in the atmosphere of the upper floor of the home she had been invited to call her own.*
*A booted blow to the wooden base brings a arm-like boom swinging sharply toward her freckled features in a springed reaction, the blow deflected with the buckler strapped to the bare forearm of a dagger wielding claw. Under Kelth's mentor-ship, her blade-work had become deadly, despite their differing styles, the tip of her rapier that darted out a testament to such as it's viper-like tongue lashed the imaginary artery of the mannequin's jugular. Conversations, scenarios, flashbacks, all played continuously through her mind.*
*Thrust. Cut. Deflect. Strike. Strike. Strike!*
*A fist smashes against the wooden countenance of the dummy with a loud crack, though it does little to drown out the single growling sob that catches in Odette's throat with the hanging of her head. Her arms fall limp, blades clattering to the floorboards at her feet in her moment of weakness, hands reaching for and sliding down the ligneous form in front of her as it took her weight.*
"Do as you wish. We all burn either way."
*The mage's words offered to her in the eve previous echoed in her mind like a struck gong, paired by the memories of Illia's final breath and the molten rivers that accompanied it.*- - - - -
Entry Five:How? How am I, how are any of us supposed to cope with the constant threats which cling to and snowball throw a narrowing chasm, growing larger and faster with every day that passes? I do not know how much more of this I can take, how many more lives will slip through my fingers as I stand by helplessly, able to do naught more than watch the verse unfold before me and pick up the shattered remains of it's destruction. The rope has reached it's length, how long until it starts to fray and snaps entirely? So many people depending on me, so many lives at stake.
I know not if I make the right calls at the moment. Tensions run high. Perhaps, if nothing else, this is training for future goals. I reached by limit once, and broke to be reformed as something stronger. Am I being pushed to that limit so that I might become even stronger still? I know not, nor if I will survive to speak of it. In the light of everything that is happening, I struggle to remain optimistic internally. Masks of ease come easily so that others will not despair, but I truly wonder if we are even on the correct path any more. I never thought I would have to ask how I am supposed to feel, or expected that such would become so convoluted and hard to define in this sense. I force myself to refrain from sharing this, even when I am unable to understand the actions of those around me.
The refugees of the prime Galvinar, whom we treated in the House of Healing, have been slain by the same assassins, the Cult of the Wyrm, who almost beheaded Brindas. Vyse found Inferno's shattered phylactery, the one broken inside the King Killer, in the Bazaar... tormented with threats before Brindas has taken it. Now... word has reached my ears... another prime, Yick, has also been smashed to oblivion by the debris of a shattered Illia. There were no survivors. Three primes destroyed... the latter by the destruction of the first. I feel the weight on my shoulders, the forked road of decisions that need to be made. Do I have the right to make them over anyone else? No. The hells am I supposed to do? This is bigger than any one of us.
As for the phylactery, I find myself torn in two completely opposite directions. Brindas and Quinn both feel the need to pass on the seemingly cursed object, inherently evil, to some... celestials. I know not who, some who wished to destroy it at any rate. Then there was talk of involving others; red wizards and vampires and sorts not so easily trusted with such things. Trust aside, I cannot help to react strongly to the possibly that in opening this up to those whom had nae insight into the trials endured and undergone, that we're risking their lives to. With claims of taking down a Lich an easy task, it is concerning to me. They know not who and what we deal with. Were such to be handed off so lightly, and their blood on my hands too... despite the fact that others have the right to choose for themselves... I don't know how I will cope.
Torn. Torn. Torn.
Yet it's pointed out that we cannot do this alone, that I have failed in our task, and all that I carry overflows from my grasp; spilling out and affecting those I cannot protect. Has it reached a point in which one must look on all that has occurred and simply admit defeat? Even as I write this, I know I cannot. I cannot simply pass this off to another and pretend as though everything is fine... even if it kills me.
Gods, I hope it does not come to that. Despite the fact I would, and have sworn my life to a cause, I do not want to die yet again any time soon. There is still much I wish to experience and explore within my own life, and achieve in the lives of others.
Perhaps this is selfish of me? This, none of this, is about me; regardless of impact. It would do well to remember this.
Phantom once expressed that the events of a prime have little effect on a larger scale, and no effect on the verse as whole. It is us who impacts the verse by drawing such trauma to it's center. I have many thoughts on the matter, but I cannot help but feel as though this has been proven wrong. The destruction of one world has rippled out, killing hundreds of thousands of people across worlds. Would these events still have occurred without our input? I don't know at this point. I would think that such would happen regardless, as it seems to despite our efforts, but... *the paragraph ends, the thought unfinished.*
What is there to be done when your best just isn't good enough?
When countless lives slip through fingers on a daily basis, resultant of my actions?
I fear I shall end up in the Gatehouse, or woefully desensitized before this is through.
Pessimism be damned. I cannot allow either of those things to happen. Be strong, for them.


