The children were sleeping, twas quiet in the house
Hardly a creature stirred, except that goddamn mouse.
The lights they were bright, the city was full of holiday cheer.
But then there he came, that bastard Changeling Rith Fiddir.
He stumbled his way through the Lady's Ward street
So drunk that as he walked he tripped over his own feet.
But what did he hear? He heard a crash, and some clatter.
And looked up at a roof to see what was the matter.
When there he stood, a jolly fat man, dressed all in red.
With a cute button nose, a white beard, and cap upon his head.
He had on his back a bag that was overflowing.
A sleigh with 8 reindeer, one with a red nose that was showing.
Then a thought crossed Rith's mind, and a frown came to his face.
"That fat bastard is up there, and he's robbing the place!"
So old Rith decided it was time for some fun.
He shouted a curse, and he pulled out his gun!
"Freeze, fat boy! Put your hands up in the air!"
But the man just moved on, as if he hadn't a care.
So Rith popped a warning shot over his head!
His fat ass he ran, and he jumped in his sled!
And as he flew off, Rith heard him extort
"That's assault with intent, Rith, I'll see you in court!"
So the hardheads they came, and Rith he was bested.
It seemed Rith Fiddir would spend Christmas arrested.
So they dragged the poor sod off, they slapped him in chains.
Then they asked him what crazy thought went through his brain.
"A fat man in Red, with Deer, and a Sleigh!
And I popped off a shot, and the guy flew away!"
"You're Crazy" said the Hardhead. "You're truly mad, indeed!"
"You drink too much beer, and you smoke too much weed!"
So they cuffed him and dragged him into his cold and dark cell.
As he sat with great annoyance, and thought "What the hell?"
And as he looked out his window, he saw a great sight.
Reindeer came past, the sleigh in mid-flight.
And the fat man he called, his voice full of cheer.
"Merry Christmas to all, I'll see you next year!"
Holiday cheer
