Kelth McEwan

[*Mausman]

A free man's path

Kelth became a sword for hire, going where wars raged, throwing himself in the front ranks among mercenaries and footmen alike. The more difficult the battle ahead? the better, as he became addicted to the wounds of battle, which were one of the few things that actually made him feel alive...


Blackguard, A blinding light


I cannot see
Even though it's there in front of me
Like a beggar cold, and crawling on my knees
Searching for something so close yet still out of my reach
Is this all I'm destined to be

I've been living in the shadow now for far too long
The senses burn at the caress, like it doesn't belong
It's one thing to dwell in silence, or to feel nothing at all
Then you cannot hear the rush, or feel the pain at the end of the fall

I fought to lift the veil and move beyond the door
Just when I thought there was maybe something more
A hope that I could at last restore my sight
The cloak is gone, my freedom won, but I found a blinding light

I can feel the light burn as the night was cold
And I struggle the same, as the life I lived before
Though the light guided me I still lost the way
And I struggle the same just to find the path back to the day

With every fall I lose the will
Another chain that binds
I can't go on like this
Another road that winds

I should have known that the struggle never really ends
The road is long don't try to see what's beyond the bend
Our wars are won, at the cost of another defeat
You'll have to crawl to get back on your feet

I thought I was stronger than this, that I had more to give
That the light of the day would show me the way to go
Never wanted to turn my back to it all
This is my struggle that I'll have to bear
Before I am too far gone

[*Mausman]

Journal Entry

Truths.





Long has it been, since I have taken a moment to write. Long has it been, since I stopped. Stopped to think, -feel-.

Odette's fate has been made known to me and at first, it cut me akin to scythe mowing down wheat.
Bless the Black Rabbit. His words managed to sooth me. I trust him blindly, I do. And his words still ring in my ears.

If this is the path she truly needs to walk, then she needs to walk it. I will not falter because of it.
I am more than aware I have been concerned about being understood by her, and by doing so, neglected her own experiencing of matters.

It matters little how dynamics went, Black Rabbit tells me there is nothing I could have done to prevent it, nor that I lacked in my efforts to reach out. It simply -is- what it -is-.

I mourn, though. I mourn, having to accept that what I hoped that would still be there, no longer is. It does not alter how I feel, it does not alter my loyalty, it does not alter my wish to have a life together.

However, this battle, is not mine, I am -not- the hero in this. This battle is hers and I all can do is be patient, show my affection even when none is returned in the here and now and remain without any demands in return. She willl need her own time and pace.

I suspect many a soul will not understand it, or my resolve. Little do I care though. I remain determined.

We're walking the darkest roads
Within chests carved with regret

I have known pain before, I have tasted bittersweet before...but I fear I cannot quite explain the sensation that claws at me from within.

I do know that I have work to do, so that I will do better from now on. I also have some ideas on how to approach possible future happenings, but we shall cross that bridge once it presents itself.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fear

I have been marked. Ten talons and their master remain. I am aware this is not a matter to take lightly, but I am certain I have given off a fair warning by decimating their ranks. However, I will admit I am not free of the sensation of fear. I hope to move soon to end this ordeal, for better, or worse...


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clan

Our first meeting since long didn't go well, but I did not anticipate anything else. I am full aware this will need more time.

They are on edge...perhaps not all, but certainly some of them. I will lead by calmth. They will make their own choices. Either they learn to work together in time and communicate proper with another, or they likely will end up leaving. I will not stray from the course I wish to walk in this though.

I am sorry, old friend, I hope I am not bringing shame upon you. Know, that I do my best. I miss you.

I need to talk with Lance, soon. I need him as a steady pillar with us.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Game

Sasha clearly lends most of her identity out of being a Sensate, I can respect that. Though I will not tolerate another outburst of her in -our- home. This hall, I gained by fighting with tooth and claw and in this hall, factions hold no status, only individuals.

Quinn's decissions are his own to not sport badge, and mine, are my own. Montgomery is a coward and I have lost any inkling of belief in her after her shameful display in the Hall of speakers. Sasha is entitled her opinion and can say what she wishes to me, but not in our house and certainly not that tone. I will make sure to let her know, a guest is a guest and I expect mine to be on best behaviour or leave.

[*Mausman]

Two souls uniting in pact, to seek to restore another....

Sorrow...


* The warrior had tears flow down his cheeks as he regarded the hearth in the corner of the Taigh. Lance, sat on the sofa to his left, face hidden in palms, eyes moist as well*

"S'goin' t' be days I 'ave t' inc'pacitate th' woman I gave m' heart to, an' drag 'er off to th' Gatehouse...prayin' she will make it through her ps'chotic state...brother..."

*The warrior uttered with broken voice*

"Mate, don't...I can't deal...please..." *Lance replied, shaky in hands and both in voice*


*A moment of silence followed...Lance had told the warrior that the Huntress had shared the news with him, it had left the man devastated, admission of not having slept for two nights given to the warrior. Both men looked worse for wear, the warrior had been drowning his pain in mead. *


"S'gotta be somethin' we can do? I can't sit on my hands, Kelth..." *Lance spoke*


*Another long silence followed, as both men allowed their tears to run free, without shame, in eachothers presence. After a couple of slow beats, the warrior came to rise onto his feet, casting his gaze onto Lance*

"There's -hope- m'dearest brother..."

*The warrior spoke with broken voice, but there was a spark of hope indeed in his gaze...a light in the darkness...hope for the hopeless?*


"Tell me, mate...anything..." *Lance spoke*


"I've got all my hope ridin' on r'storin' her soul...m'brother..."

"Best case? we'll 'ave our Odette back...likely with s'vere dents, most c'rtainly still with a long road ahead...worst case...we'll make life a bit more bearable fer 'er..."

"I...need ye in this" *The warrior reached his arm out to Lance, whom stood up and took it with his own*

"A pact...m'brother...fer Odette..." *As tears still flowed on both men, Kelth spoke in broken voice*

"Mate...I'm -all- in...without any doubt *The unpirate retorted*

*The warrior sniffled, as he brought his forehead to rest on the Unpirate's*

"We'll try this -with- her ferst...if she's too broken fer it...we'll tell her we're goin' to...ask her t' help us from th' sideline..."

"We're not goin' to sit still, mate, I'll soddin' lose it..."

"Ye know, Lance? ...if there e'er was a man I'd find worthy t' be at her side instead o' me...t'would be ye..." *The warrior sniffled oncemore*

"Mate...I'll tell you th' same as I told her...I've never met any woman like her and I know I never will again"

"Lance...if I croak in this...ye'll look after her, rite? ...promise me..." *The warrior sobbed, firming his hold of Lance's arm*


"Mate...we're likely to die, both of us...but aye, I'll give it my all...but if we do? we'll be sure to take down a lot of sons of bitches in our path!"

"We can't ...we need t' pull this off...Odette 'ad a map in r'gards to a fourth...I need ye t' look at it"



"Please, I need t' know with what terrain we are working with. Preparations are my expertise, you know, also, I got opening portals covered."

*The warrior nodded, firmly, wiping his face*

"I'll go look fer books on Shadow Dragons...we need t' know wha' we face"



*The two men nodded at another, it was strange in a way, the sheer amount of vulnerability betwixt them, but it felt right, it felt uplifting...and they had -hope-*

[*Mausman]

Life had been rather uneventful after the knee-deep soaked in blood and corpses of Zhentarim along with his battle-brother Lance.

Kelth needed some time away from things, away from demands, away from berks, first and foremost.

Kelth decided it was time to take a look in the other districts again instead of doing work in the Hive Ward and volunteer-work keeping the Gardens around the Gatehouse clean and tended to. He knew nothing about gardening, at all, but the local groundskeeper had been patient enough with him.


One of the first conversations he had, with a friendly enough Quasit named Rex, explained how Altair and his significant other had become parents. A good thing, Kelth thought, responsibility and stability for the loose cannon. Alas, he learned that he also had started his own establishment and had run into some conflict with gangs in Undersigil.

Kelth sighed, rolled his eyes, shook his head and wanted to walk off. The quasit, however, beseeched him to look into the matter "for old times sake" to see if he could help Altair. Kelth did not say yes, did not say no, he said "I'll think 'bout it" and calmly went on his way.

Why should he get involved in this? If Altair had wanted his help, he surely would have asked. What has meddling brought so far? Mostly misery, misunderstandings and overal annoyance. No, not this time. If people want help, they can ask.

Besides, Sigil had proven enough times that it isn't really worth of Kelth's talents.

[*Mausman]

Basic Information
Name: Kelth McEwan
Aliases: "Savage Wolf" "Beast"
Gender: Male
Race: Human/ ?
Age: 34
Profession: Warrior, Performer (Musician/ Poet/Fire-breather performer), Massage Therapist (Flame Pits, on request), Mentor of Swordplay (Master in two-handed combat)
Faction: Kelth is a runaway Sensate, trying to get back in as a namer, forfeiting his Factotum rank.

Languages: Common, Sylvan, Draconic, Rashemi and basic Celestial

Accent: Kelth has a thick accent going, most likely his trademark as well.

Physical Information
Height: 2,12m
Weight: 100 Kilograms
Body build: Rather muscular, tall
Skin type: Rough
Hair style: Long, black manes, tiny bells being knotted into them.
Eyes: His eyes are glowing-orange/yellow ish coloured with slitted irises in appearance.
Skin: Caucasian.
Tattoos: Clan symbols, Wolf teeth and a snarling Wolf on his left calf. Draconic runes as well (Lore DC: 30 (( in game tell))
Features:

He is always bare-chested, wearing a kilt-like battle attire. Around his torso, diagonally, runs a black, leather bandolier, that holds the two dull looking, leathered sheathes of the Claymore "Beast" and "Claidhaern Mhór Carach" on his back. It also sports his Sensate badge and an image of a Snarling Wolf.

When he smiles, four razor sharp fangs are bared. (( Lore DC: 20 reveals there must be Dragon influence within this man))

Other than that, Kelth is a tall, rugged, handsome man whom, once people are used to him, is a rather warm presence to those he find worthy.

Kelth is known to have a poor sense of direction, relying on his keen hearing to get his bearings.

Mental Information
Alignment: Chaotic-?


Behaviour

Kelth is known to ignore laws or established powers, he seeks unison betwixt people who have the same wish as he, move Sigil forward and work together where possible.

Honor is something the man holds dearly and any form of treason against those dear to him or himself, is met with brutal retribution, even if such could put the man behind bars.

A berserker at heart, injustice in his presence is a massive trigger, which, if not dismantled quickly, leads to severely escalating situations.


Overall, Kelth is a rather warm person who appears to care deeply about those close to him.

His sheer chaotic nature makes him a tough individual for a lot of people to handle, but most who have gotten to know him, seem to either accept this part of him, or by now feel confident enough to correct him at times.

The Reforged Blades

Kelth once attempted to bring people under a banner as a group in the Hive, not as guild, but co-operation to work along with Dace Andor to fend off threats. The group has disbanded mostly due to various developments.


Known facts

Kelth recently is showing a bit more calm, warm and caring behaviour, a shadow of the amount it once was, but it is there and appears to develop.

When asked how he is doing, the steady answer is that he is getting back in the "saddle" of his life and pushes for the best, owns up his mistakes and tries to look forward with the years he still has.

Clanadonia - Tyler's Lament

Ensiferum -Wanderer

Morrigan

[*Mausman]

I Am No Other




Along the varied paths on which I've wandered,
confusion seems to be the norm with most;
and what I think and feel is fraught with questions.
I'm sometimes nothing more than just a ghost.

I seem to live a life that's complicated
by simple thoughts that wrack my weary mind
and leave me seeking answers that I long for
but seldom in my searching seem to find.

If I had lived my life a different person,
I'd not have done the things that I have done,
and would have had much different thoughts and feelings
and run a different race than that I've run.

But in reality there's no denying
that I am who I am and not my brother,
so now I live with all the consequences
of what I've said and done. I am no other.


( Kelth recognises his flaws, owns up on them and tries to move on)

[*Mausman]

I'm a storm torrent across a slate-gray sea

I rush in billowed reflections a fast, fast dark sky over an Rashemi meadow's wet
I bolt white high through snowfall cold
I am lightning in the night
I sprint like fire across a match head
And leap across lakes of dream-stuff
Over ancient walls
Past armies fast as fast is
Faster than quicksilver can fall into the sun
I, bounding, prance unstoppable to you
My all
My everything dream

( A whistful poem about severe loss and guilt in a recurring dream)

[*Mausman]

It's nicked at the edges

And leans backwards, almost reclining
Grass grows in tufts near where it enters the earth
Its words are worn with time
And its stained face is drawn long with wear





( A visit to Daneira's gravestone, recently )

[*Mausman]

There were never strawberries

like the ones we had
that sultry afternoon
sitting on the step
of the open smithy's window
facing each other
your knees held in mine
the earthen plates in our laps
the strawberries glistening
in the hot sunlight
we dipped them in sugar
looking at each other
not hurrying the feast
for one to come
the empty plates
laid on the stone together
with the two forks crossed
and I bent towards you
sweet in that air
in my arms
abandoned like a child
from your eager mouth
the taste of strawberries
in my memory
lean back again
let me love you

let the sun beat
on our forgetfulness
one hour of all
the heat intense
and summer lightning
on the Mulsanyaar hills

let the storm wash the plates


( A fond memory with Daneira long ago )

[*Mausman]

To let go, takes love



To “let go” does not mean to stop caring,
it means I canÂ’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off,
it is the realisation I canÂ’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness,
which means that the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another,
it is to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for,
but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge,
but to allow another to be an individual.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arranging the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies,

To “let go” is not to be protective,
but to permit another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny,
but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take every day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To “let go” is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and love more


( Realisation, self-reflection)