...hollowness...like breath suspended beyond the bearable limits, and yet not
chocking, still living, the chance to breath again denied, for all would end if
such is done. she wonders if undeath can be described like this. as a
tension that is best not to break, like a cage one is imprisoned in over an
endless pit.
after glancing up to the floating Hjyng one last time, she closes the door,
the window and turns off the lights of a bedroom in a house somewhere amidst
the dusky meadows of karasuthra.
somewhere quiet.
producing no noise, she folds herself in the protective shades
of the cozy nest.
inspires.
to empty her head so to clear the way for the thoughts to flow
undisturbed toward their most spontaneous, natural, true conclusions.
wonders if such will occur...
exhales.
calmly takes a mask out from a bag. a second face she wore often, it is
metallic, painted in grey, with red sculped lips. another female face, with
another voice. her fingers feels those artificial features uncomfortably but
yet accustomed, like with an eternal stranger she was forced to live with
for long, sharing her deepest and intimate self.
the chill of air causing her skin to crawl, she reaches for the soft furs
that lie all around the room to wrap herself into, leaning backward to relax
her body. but not her mind.
blindly gazes at the mask through the darkness, her hand instinctively
bringing it forth to cover her real self, curtains to disappear behind.
several minutes passe before the mask actually lays on her face, and she
probably barely notices it.
stillness falls in the room...
inspires...
the headache she had during the day is almost gone, yet she still feels like
a nail in her mind, that blocks the path for further horizons. to break it
by force, or to go round it along alternative roads to plug it away later
on....that, or being blocked forever, helpless...
exhales...
the tide comes and goes, confusing itself with the wind that sighs a few
metres away, stroking the glades beyond the wall. soon she will feel like
if falling asleep, but she won't pass out yet, if her focus stands, and builds.
yet, such tide may cause her to drift away nonetheless.
a retreat from the world she often feels with each fibre of her body, to
pull her toward a saultry slumber, submerging her. slumber of what, is yet
too soon for her to tell
inspires...
she gets closer to a line, one separating two worlds.
she never crossed that line. she fears what may happen if she does. she fear
what she would find is not the answer she seek. maybe it would just detach
her more from the place she's trying to get a better understanding
of...maybe that line is just a decoy,a specious artifact. stupid paranoid
woman...so easy to fall in traps.
exhales...
she recalls once she had a more intuitive grasp of reality. of the reality
she used to know, at least. but now?
things are often a mess, as she learned the hard way
so uncertain...yet, it should be simple like always...or not?...
inspires...
again, hollowness...inside of herself, to eventually fall into. for now she
still hang at the border.
suspension...
she removes the mask to look into its hollow side.
pitch black, of course.
turns the mask. she knows its emtpy eyes holes. she imagines them onto
herself again, prisoner behind them, emptying her. and she shivers utterly.
her focus now fails, and she regains consciousness of here and now, still in
the room, the mask in truth untouched, still adhering at her face.
exhales...
leaving the mask where it is, she folds herself more in the furry darkness, small.
curious how the dark doesn't bother her at all, yet she still fear to become part of it, she thinks...
''to fear the end of fear''...a random thought... yet, it worries her
somehow...
but now weariness strikes her all at once. she decides to sleep. hopefully
no doubts will sting her for some hours...maybe at her awakening the mask will have fallen off...
inspires...
thoughts of an end-day
